"Stocked Up"

I had a short day today and got parked fairly early. So I went inside to grab a bite to eat after I took the dogs for a walk. Those of you who know me know I've gotta have my milk. None of that 2% stuff; I want 100% milk. 2% sounds like it should be served in a shot glass. If it's 2% milk, what's the other 98%, air? 

So I go inside, grab my nice, cold cow juice and some hard boiled eggs. I'm trying to watch my girlish figure, ya know. I head over to the "driver's lounge", which is basically a room with a t.v. and a bunch of truck drivers sitting around it talking about "well I woulda told that officer...", to see what's on. 

Oh goody, cars! Left turn, left turn, left turn... There are about 8 other truck drivers in there basically salivating over watching cars go in a circle. And here's where I sound unAmerican. "Hey, ya ever notice these guys really don't get anywhere because they're running in circles?"

I think one guy gave me the "stink eye" before asking, "you don't like stock car racing, boy?"

Well of course I have no problem watching traffic. I'm a truck driver; watching traffic is essentially our way of life. In real life we wish they would all move as quickly as these guys on TV. 

In fact, I'm watching these guys merge back into race traffic and thinking "so how come people ease onto the highway at 45, glaring at me like I'm the idiot in their way instead of them just gauging traffic and merging seamlessly?! Look! It CAN be done!" It amazes me how these guys can do it at what appears to be Mach 2 and regular folk can't do it at 65mph. 

So I had to wonder....they call it stock car racing. What's "stock" on these cars? Even the headlights are decals. I need ones that put off actual light. I don't need a LOT of light, but I'm not gonna drive just using "the force" at night either. 

The horsepower is insane and, quite frankly, I'm glad regular cars don't have anywhere near that amount. With the way normal folk drive, the number of traffic deaths would be exponentially higher. I've never in my life seen a car like these rolling down the freeway. Yet they're "stock"? What gives? 

Then something happens and I suddenly understand the draw. Two cars wreck at warp speed. Pieces fly this way and that. Debris, CARnage, cartastrophe (yes, I deliberately spelled it that way) at high speeds! It was awesome to watch. I get it now. 

It's not the RACE they're watching it for, it's the WRECKS. We are some twisted creatures I tell you. I was right there watching it with them, all slack-jawed watching and kinda giggling as I thought "CARtwheel!"  As "civilized" as we are we enjoy mayhem. 

If there's a wreck on the northbound side of the highway I can assure you there'll be another one on the southbound side in short order. Maybe even a few on both sides. We can't help it, we have to look. It's in our genetic makeup, I think. 

And they look as they're driving. Head turned full circle like a scene from "The Exorcist" as they go past. Sometimes so busy looking that they create their own accident. Bravo old chap. Job well done. Now you've screwed it up for the people behind you too. 

Is it our destructive nature? Let's be honest, what usually attracts the most attention? Something involving mayhem and destruction, or the building of a hospital? 

"Doomed to Repeat History"

My question on this: 

The Civil War was fought partially because the federal government wouldn't acknowledge the States' sovereignty in passing their own laws. Sooo... What happens now that a federal law is forced that contradicts what some states have passed into law? 

Some states have consistently ruled against gay marriage. Now they're told by the government, basically, "too bad". 

Ironically, as they fight to take down a flag that symbolized a war against precisely this type of governing, the government flexes more "you'll do as we say" muscle...

I'm not against gay marriage; it doesn't affect me. I'm not necessarily against this ruling. I'm just pointing out the irony and wondering about backlash.

I've stated before and I'll state again: if you're against gay marriage then don't marry a gay person. Other than that I don't see where it's anyone's business. What's the harm, really? I personally feel marriage is a sacred Union. I'm also twice divorced. I don't think sexual orientation is going to do any more "harm" to the institution of marriage than has already been done. (Maybe here I should stop to explain since it keeps getting confused...yes, I'm twice divorced. Yes, I believe marriage is a sacred Union. The point in those combined statements is this: regardless of how sacred this institution is, we still manage to screw it up. Divorce is becoming more and more common. So, who are we to say that those same-sex marriages are going to ruin the idea of marriage any more than we heterosexuals?)

Heterosexuals have had centuries of messing up marriages. As it turns out, marriage is also the leading cause of divorce. So now more people get to lose half of what they own. Awesome. Is it really my problem or yours? I say "hey, let gays have the same right to grow to hate one another as we heterosexuals get." 

I see people posting about "it's a great day for the LGBT community and equality." Eh, I don't understand our fascination with "equality". Yeah, yeah, Lincoln said "all men are created equal.." so I'm curious how far we are going to start taking this "equality" thing? Are guys supposed to start having babies next? Count me out. I'll be the first to admit the inequality of the sexes. I'm not interested in giving birth. 

Oh, what else did they do though? What did they do to show "equality" to other minorities? Simple. They violated an agreement that they made with a DIFFERENT minority. No, seriously, they did. In fact, it was a minority America had CREATED. How's that for further irony? 

See, the government made an agreement with the Apache Indians quite some time ago. After nearly eradicating them for having the audacity of being on our land before we got here. Only now they don't care about that agreement anymore and they just gave (yes, gave away) Apache holy land to a company in Australia so they could mine for copper. 

Well, wait a minute, I thought we were a country that valued all people, honored our agreements and touted "equality". Give one thing, take two others. 

It's great that we applaud "progress". Ya know what's better? Learning from our own history. Eventually other people are going to notice the "give one thing, take two others" tactic that our government likes to pull. 

So we've got the federal government forcing us to buy insurance from private companies, overruling states' laws, giving away Apache holy land, and just giving themselves raises and exorbitant benefits packages while impoverishing the people they rule. Nah, this can't turn out badly at all. No wonder they keep wanting to take everyone's guns...

"Flying High"

Well looky there, a Confederate Flag is under attack for being a "racist symbol". You know, the one that flies over the South Carolina state capital building. Or DID. Anyone feel like looking at this logically with me? C'mon, let's take a little trip through our country's history....

Now, some people call that particular flag the "Stars and Bars". Those people would be wrong. That's ok, not everyone knows the history of the confederate flags. The flag that's causing all this uproar is actually the Confederate Navy Jack. It wasn't adopted by the Confederacy until 1863. Why is that one the symbol of the south? Because it looks cooler than the original flag of the Confederacy that originally liked quite a bit like Old Glory. Looking cooler is important because being a redneck is one thing but you've still gotta have fashion sense. 

Is it a symbol of racism? Of course not. It's a reminder of a historical period. Something called "the Civil War". We studied that while I was in school. They're quick to say that the war was over slavery. At the time some of us asked questions like "so the Northern states didn't have slaves and the Southern states did?" To which we were informed that the Northern states had slaves too; there's no way to deny it. Oh. Well then why were they fighting over slavery? That makes no sense. Granted, slavery is a shitty deal. I get that. 

So what WAS the Civil War about? Surely we have history books around here somewhere. Wait, I get it now..."In the spring of 1861, decades of simmering tensions between the northern and southern United States over issues including states' rights versus federal authority, westward expansion and slavery exploded into the American Civil War"

Well right there it says it's about several things including States' rights versus Federal authority. So it makes perfect sense that, during a time when the federal government is flexing even more muscle, any symbol of States' rights should be done away with. 

We have Federal income tax enforced by the IRS. The federal government forces us to purchase health insurance. The federal government has the right to take its citizens' property through "right of eminent domain". The federal government talks about "gun control". That same federal government is losing sight of the "by the people, for the people" part of the constitution. What the federal government doesn't want is a reminder that its citizens stood against once and it had a hell of a fight on its hands. 

What prompted the idea of getting rid of the flag? A shooting in Charleston. A tragic one by a disturbed individual whose father gave him a gun as a gift. He had a "rebel flag". So let's blame the flag. Sure. Except a flag doesn't shoot people. He was an idiot that didn't understand the meaning of the flag.

People latch onto the idea of racism because it helps continue to spark the flames that divide us as Americans. They tend to forget certain things like states' rights and focus on the slavery issue. They also tend to overlook the fact that the flag that so offends people also reminds us of a time that brought about the end of slavery. It signifies the states' rebellion to being slaves to the federal government. But I'm probably the only person that looks at things from that angle I suppose. 

We celebrate freedom. We use symbols to do so. The American flag, Old Glory herself, is a symbol of our rebellion against the oppressive control we were under from British rule. If the Queen of England finds that flag offensive are we going to get rid of it too? No. Why? Because it's part of our history and our heritage. Guess what, so is that Confederate flag. Don't try to destroy history, learn from it. 

It is necessary to disclaim any connection of these flags to neo-nazis, red-necks, skin-heads and the like. These groups have adopted this flag and desecrated it by their acts. They have no right to use this flag - it is a flag of honor, designed by the confederacy as a banner representing state's rights and still revered by the South. In fact, under attack, it still flies over the South Carolina capitol building. The South denies any relation to these hate groups and denies them the right to use the flags of the confederacy for any purpose. The crimes committed by these groups under the stolen banner of the confederacy only exacerbate the lies which link the secession to slavery interests when, from a Southerner's view, the cause was state's rights.

"What a Father Does"

I was asked once if I had any childhood memories that I looked back on as defining moments. So I've spent some time lately reflecting. As it turns out, there are several but I'll try to stay focused. Ritalin don't fail me now...

I've got a pretty good memory; better than average as I understand it. I can draw floor plans for places I've lived as far back as 40 years ago or list Christmas presents clear back til then. Some people would attribute it to electroshock therapy but I think it's because I've tempted fate so many times throughout my life that I probably have a record for "near death experiences". I'm still waiting to hear back from Guiness on that. 

So I've gotta narrow it down for myself. Would I consider any of the monumentally stupid things I've done that "defining moment"? To sort through that list could take the better part of a decade. Now that I think about it, I'm surprised I'm still alive. Wait...let me check my pulse. I'll be right back. 

Ok. Good news. I'm not clinically dead. Bad news. I therefore have no excuse for why I'm still in bed then. Oh, I was writing. That's right. Ok. A childhood memory. Defining moment maybe. Let's see...hhmm... Wait! I know!! A memory that has stuck with me for decades. Sometimes resurfaces at seemingly random moments. 

It's not one of those moments that wins "feel good moment of the year" but I suppose they can't all be great. This one requires a little bit of set up so let's address that first. Cue the wavy background and "flashback" music. Let's go for a trip down memory lane. 

As we've established, I  was a pretty unruly kid. I was living with a "mother" who was gone for days at a time and would eventually come home drunk or jacked up on one drug or another. Though I'm not out to make excuses for the fact I was a hellion, I feel it's helpful to explain I had no guidance. 

Eventually my dad was made aware of the problem and he insisted I be allowed to go live with him rather than the "home for troubled boys" that I was facing. I was all for it as I hadn't seen him in years because he had been stationed in Europe. 

He got temporary custody of me and arrangements were made for him to get permanent custody. I think the temporary custody was to allow a trial run and make sure I hadn't grown into an axe murderer. He did have a wife and kid to consider. Who could blame him for being cautious after the tales he'd heard. 

And that's when it happened. The memory that still sticks with me. My dad had his attorney draw up the paperwork and we went back down to Tampa so she could sign custody over to him. He was excited, I was excited. It was going to be a good day. Or so we thought. 

As she touched the pen to the paper she hesitated. She raised the pen and looked at my dad and said, "I'm gonna need $3,000 before I can sign this."

Bear in mind, folks, that this was my birth mother. She smiled at me and my father as she rattled off a price like an auctioneer. At the age of 12 I'd been told how much I was worth. This was in 1984 but, even back then, this wasn't even enough to buy a car. 

How was that a defining moment, you ask? Was I devastated? Well, of course, it was devastating at the time. But it was motivational as well. Educational even. And from that day forth, knowing how little my own birth mother valued me, I strive to improve myself in every way. She may have thought I wasn't worth much but I watched my dad swallow his pride to raise the money as quickly as he could. He told me he didn't care about money; he just wanted ME. Because he's a father. Not just a good one but a great one and that's what fathers do. 

So what I learned from that was that some people may not value you much but, to the people who truly love you, you're priceless. I've lost sight of this on occasion and allowed people I was in a relationship with or married to to treat me like an afterthought. So I encourage you to make sure you remember that you are priceless to somebody. Don't let anyone devalue you. 

"Attention Junky"

I've seen several websites who've stated Miley Cyrus set a Bible on fire on stage  at her show at Staples Center then danced around a phallic symbol. "To promote tolerance". Seriously?! Tolerance of what? Ignorance? Oh, and yelling "Hillary, '16" doesn't help her case with me any either. That part is her political choice though so I'll not talk about that just yet. 

Let's focus on the Bible burning and other horrible behavior for now. I'm unsure what "tolerance" she's trying to promote by saying, "Being a role model for millions of people, I know no better way to express the massive amount of love I have for the world, and if some crybabies are upset about it, they're idiots and I hope they die."

I get that she's an attention seeker. And that attention she's seeking is like a drug to her. She's going to continue to find new ways to try to shock people and gain attention. But openly attacking Christianity? Unnecessary. And certainly not a display of tolerance. 

And here's a quote from a website....

"Liberal members of the media called the concert an "act of bravery," describing Cyrus's artistic performance as "by far the greatest example of a new, enlightened culture, unhindered by the ancient rulebook that promotes bigotry, fear, and hate." - 

Let me get this right, an act of depravity is "bravery"?! Well now I see how the ESPY's screwed things up with that Arthur Ashe Award. Good job guys, you've helped warp our populace. 

This "new, enlightened culture" is an example of the rapid decline of our society. It's not about political affiliation anymore. It's about a perversion of humanity. "Enlightened", harrumph! This isn't enlightenment, this is definitely SOMETHING but it's not enlightenment. 

I'll admit that I don't get on here and rally for Christianity. I've made statements regarding inconsistencies in the Bible. That doesn't mean I'm "anti-religious". Nor am I going to attack anyone's religious beliefs. In fact, I'll go so far as to say that I think believing in a higher power is not only good but, for some people, necessary. Let's face it, if WE are "the best and smartest" in the universe then the universe is in sad, sad shape. Ever see how people behave or dress in Walmart? Tell me that doesn't frighten you a little..

 If you're going to have religious convictions then the Christian religion is in the top 3 to follow. Be you monotheistic or polytheistic, the 10 Commandments are solid, good rules to live by. Whether you follow Christianity or not I still encourage using those Commandments as a guideline in life. They're beneficial to any society and promote a healthy lifestyle. I try to adhere to them myself. I try to avoid things like murder, lying, adultery, those seem like pretty reasonable rules. I kinda encourage my kids not to be lying, cheating, stealing psychopaths. 

I don't care how famous this little girl is, she needs to be slapped. There's a difference between "making a statement" and being openly disrespectful. Yet there are people who are clearly applauding her actions and calling it an "act of bravery". Pfft. Slaps all around, I say. Smack em hard! Hard enough to hopefully knock some sense into them. 

To be quite honest here, I've gotta think it's not just her parents who failed (miserably) but it's also us as a society. People will still buy tickets to her shows. She will continue to get rich and probably even influence some kids. Too bad we can't help influence those kids by shipping people like Miley Cyrus and Kanye West off to another land. Let them take that Jenner thing with them. Then you'll have 2 "brave" people to lead the way for their new little nation. I'd wager none of them would know what to do. 

She states Christians shouldn't be allowed to make laws in this country. Well, kiddo, this country was founded on Christian principles. And I've not studied every country on the planet but I'm pretty sure they all have laws that incorporate some of those 10 Commandments. 

Look, I'm all for tolerance. So long as that tolerance doesn't mean stepping on other people, their belief systems or forcing my beliefs on others. Don't like what's on tv? Change the channel. Don't want your kids to pray in school? That's cool. But don't censor other peoples' TV or make it so others can't pray. There's a difference between being "tolerant" and being a little shit. 

If You Can't Say Anything Nice....

First off I have to thank Christian for this lovely chance to go on a bit of my own rant.  I get to do this so rarely, that I am rather excited about it.  For those who don't know me, I'm Rebecca from Living a Life of Writing.  On to my personal rant.

I have nothing against teenagers, or tweens, I don't.  I have two of my own pre-teens and I can't possibly love them any more.  The problem I have with this group is the lack of "brains."  I'm not talking about being smart, because some are I'm talking about the ones who can't seem to shut their mouths for five seconds to actually think.

I'm a bit different, I know this.  As a small sized child, I was the runt of the playground and this meant I had to learn when to actually run my mouth or not.  I also learned very quickly, it didn't pay to mouth off to adults.

Somewhere along the line, teens have forgotten this theme.

I deal with them a lot in my day to day life.  The ones who irritate me the most have parents who can't be bothered to raise their own heads out of their phones.  I've seen it happen, the teen or tween, decides to shoot their mouths, and gets told no and... starts to whine.

WHINE. What are you kidding me? No, I would have been hauled off out of a store by my neck and grounded for a month.  Instead the whining and the begging from the parents begin. It'll make me want to cry.  It's not nice to watch, and worse when you are the one who has to deal with these self-absorbed, self-centred people.

Or, this is what kills me, is the lack of respect for other adults.  These kids know they can get away with this, and they do.  If precious pumpkin's feelings get hurt, this is where the wild, angry "I just finished texting to X and I'm gonna have to hear this now?" and proceeds to get angry at the person whom their child disrespected.

The teens only get worse because they can't and won't learn about respect and being polite.  They just learn that they too have "rights" and not responsibilities to others.

If you can't say anything nice...

Repeat after me: don't say nothing at all.

What I wish for is a bit of respect for everyone.  You don't have to be mouthy to be the "big bad teen" on the block.  You can win respect in other ways.  You can look at others and see that although you have differences this doesn't mean you don't respect them.

Same goes for adults, because we have to show our teens some sort of value, love and respectfulness and hard work.  We don't, we show them rap stars and the Kardashians and Jenners.  We show them that money buys everything (it doesn't.)

We don't show them that being polite will get you farther, and being a better person will help in the end.  We don't show them that being polite doesn't mean being less of anything.

We've got a chance.  I wonder though, are we going to lose it?

"No More"

The shadows creep in and overtake the moonlight 

As the glow slowly fades I can hear them calling

Whispering my name again on the edge of night 

I feel myself on the edge of terror and falling

No chute to slow my descent into icy madness 

I careen towards the frozen black abyss of my mind

All the while feeling the dementia growing with sadness

My own illusion of sanity becoming hard to find

As I succumb to the eerie stillness buried within 

The whispers that plagued me turn to screams

As the darkness consumes me once again

And I know my demons will haunt my dreams

Ever present, I can sometimes hold them at bay

Winning the occasional battle as I lose the war 

They're overtaking me a little more with each day

Already I'm beginning to feel that I exist no more 

"An Imagination Game"

So I'm thinking its time for an imagination game. I want you to close your eyes and imagine something. No, not yet. Wait until after I finish. Hey you. Yeah, you. Open your eyes back up. I wasn't ready yet. You know what, everyone just wait till the end to close their eyes. 

Ok. Now, as I was saying, we are going to imagine something. I want you to imagine you're driving down the highway. There's not much traffic out on this nice sunny day. It's a nice big highway. Three travel lanes on both sides of the median. By the way, it's a median. Not a comedian. Not a medium. A median. I can't tell you how often it's called a comedium. 

On this highway you're just bebopping along in the right hand lane. (We call that the granny lane in the trucker world). Your favorite song is on and you're jamming out, proud of yourself for sounding EXACTLY like the lead singer and not missing a note. All is right with the world. Maybe you're on your way to the beach. Maybe you're off to pick up your spouse for a weekend getaway to an awesome bed and breakfast. 

Up ahead, just off the travel lanes, on the shoulder you see a car. Back in the day people would stop to help change a tire or something but this is the modern world and you've got more important things to do. I get it; I'm usually on a schedule myself and I never have time to stop. Besides, it could be a serial rapist or something and I'm way too pretty to take that risk. 

As you get closer you see someone sitting in the grass away from the car that has its hood up. Cool. They must be waiting for AAA or a friend to come help. Thank God for cell phones! 

As you're looking over at them because, let's face it, we are curious creatures and can't help looking, what you don't see right away is the guy in front of the hood trying to figure out what all that steam is coming from. That's when the 6 year old boy or girl standing next to Daddy jumps away from the blown hose. It's a kid and not as careful as it should be. WHAM! This child tripped in her or his excitement and fell into the roadway. You've just hit this kid!!  It bounces up the hood and over the windshield in the time it took you to get your foot off the gas pedal at 70mph. As you literally stand on the brake pedal this small kid is plummeting back to earth from the impact. You've killed an innocent child. Was it deliberate? Of course not. But that child is still dead. 

Equally bad, the poor girl or boy started to fall but their dad had quick reflexes and had already started reacting. He saw the risk and jumped to save his child. He pushed her or him to safety and took the impact himself. Right in front of those eyes their father's body is destroyed and he's dead. 

Why? How'd this happen? Why did I deliberately talk you through this? Right now you may be absolutely appalled at what I just put your imagination through. If you're like me you think in pictures as well as words. In that scenario I have to make the victims faceless because I do have kids and a heart. 

Calm down for just a second and take a couple quick breaths. Shake it off, we know it's not real. But, let me ask you a question so I can answer a couple of the ones I just asked you. Be honest with yourself when you answer this...

How many of you, as you were imagining this, simply checked your mirrors and changed lanes as you approached the car on the shoulder? Be honest. Did it cross your mind? 

We see emergency vehicles on the shoulder and we grudgingly get over at the last minute, if at all. But if you see a broken down vehicle or an 18 wheeler, do you get over? Why not? Because it's not legally required? 

I see this every day. Many times I, myself, have had to pull to the shoulder to tighten straps or fix tarps. There I am between an 80 foot long vehicle with flashing hazard lights (we call them four ways) and cars zipping past at 70+ mph. Sometimes even other big trucks zipping past. Literally within a foot or two of me. One misstep, one thousandth of a second of someone not paying attention and my kids are orphans. And all they usually have to do is move over one lane. 

Think about it folks. How hard is it to just move over a little? One life ended, another changed forever. In the blink of an eye. 

Many of you will forget all about this imagination game, hopefully to never be reminded by a real life scenario like that. Some may change their driving habits just a little. Remember, though, this is a fictional story. Some people call what I do "art". Well....life often imitates "art".  Drive safe. 

"Perspective is Infinite/The Kiss Revisited"

I've never actually posted an explanation for any of my poems, I don't think. As my girlfriend has pointed out to me about several of my pieces, "art is subjective". Indeed it is. However, I never realized, until recently, how open my stuff was to interpretation. 

I recently posted a poem entitled "The Kiss", which was well-received. I had several people comment on it and say very kind words. For that I thank you. I've received many comments on this piece from other writing communities I'm in aside from my blog.

It seems this poem has been interpreted as a bittersweet love poem. Several people expressed empathy for me because of that. I thank you for that. 

However, this time I feel compelled to share with you a response I wrote to one of my readers. For ease of use I've also pasted here that same poem again. I do this so that you may reread it after this explanation and look at it from a different perspective. Hopefully you'll still like it. Ideally it'll touch some of you more deeply and you'll share the message I think it'll better convey after this explanation....

I know "art" is subjective and everyone interprets it a different way. What I found interesting, though, is that so far everyone has interpreted it as "this is about a girl". 

What makes that interesting to me is that that's not how it was intended. This was the final thoughts of someone dying from a drug overdose. 

You see, we all have our own "demons" to deal with. Some people turn to drugs to cope and slowly succumb to that darkness until it overtakes them. Personally, I've never had that issue but I thought this might be what runs through someone's mind as the light slowly left their eyes. This was initially titled "Slipping Away"....

        The Kiss

Once upon a time I was young, naive and  so alive

I was in love with the day and yearned for the night

Then came your kiss

A bitter cold like the air just before the first snows arrive

A sensation too intoxicating for me to fight

There was your kiss

Spoiling my innocence, purity and dreams 

Corrupting my soul and eroding my confidence

With that kiss

Stealing my breath and stifling my screams

Knowing full well that I have no means of defense

Against your kiss

Once was not enough and it draws me back for more

How do I escape this; how can I ever live again

Aching for that kiss

If only I'd known what evils you had in store

Or what hell would befall me for commission of my sin

For tasting Death's arsenic kiss

Christian Touchet

"The Kiss"

Once upon a time I was young, naive and  so alive

I was in love with the day and yearned for the night

Then came your kiss

A bitter cold like the air just before the first snows arrive

A sensation too intoxicating for me to fight

There was your kiss

Spoiling my innocence, purity and dreams 

Corrupting my soul and eroding my confidence

With that kiss

Stealing my breath and stifling my screams

Knowing full well that I have no means of defense

Against your kiss

Once was not enough and it draws me back for more

How do I escape this; how can I ever live again

Aching for that kiss

If only I'd known what evils you had in store

Or what hell would befall me for commission of my sin

For tasting Death's arsenic kiss

"Jenner ation of Confusion"

So I've been hearing and seeing about how "Caitlyn" Jenner is getting the Arthur Ashe Award for courage. Well that's interesting. Let's look at this from a couple of angles, shall we? 

First, they aren't awarding it to Bruce Jenner. Why can't they? Because ole Bruce doesn't want to be Bruce anymore and has taken on a different persona. Now he goes by "Caitlyn". Besides, what did Bruce do that was brave? Erase himself? In that case, people have been dying since the dawn of time. Did he throw himself in front of a bus to save someone? Did he start a campaign to save people or spearhead a research foundation? Nope. He just got tired of being a man. Way to sully an award. Don't get me wrong, I've seen that show about the Kardashians, I can understand how they may have driven him to not want to be a man anymore. Those chicks seem to make a career out of wrecking guys. 

Oh, wait, they're giving it to "Caitlyn" Jenner. For courage. Well how's that work? What did "Caitlyn" do that was courageous? Considering this persona didn't exist even a year ago I certainly haven't heard of any acts of courage, astonishing ones or even little ones, have you? What, posing for a magazine cover? Let's face it, the only thing courageous about that was the level of photoshopping and airbrushing it took to make a 65 year old man look like something resembling a female. Caitlyn Jenner is very much not attractive yet they tried valiantly to make this hybrid look normal. 

For that matter, let's consider that Michael Jackson was on the cover of magazines. Bruce Jenner went from rich white man to rich white crossdresser. Did he have "gender reassignment surgery"? Nah. He just went all "Buffalo Bill". Yay and shit. Didn't impress Joe Dirt and it doesn't impress me. Michael Jackson beat him/her to the punch decades ago. Little Mikey went from poor black boy to rich white woman (c'mon, that nose, hair and skin bleaching?) and he certainly didn't win an Arthur Ashe Award. 

This award is given at the ESPY's. This is typically a sports related award. Bruce Jenner was an athlete. A gold medalist. But Bruce is dead now. "Caitlyn" was never an athlete. She was created at 65 years old and hasn't done an athletic thing yet. So where's the correlation here? Where's the courage? 

Oh, because Caitlyn is a result of some wardrobe change? He had breasts installed and tucked his penis. Eh, big deal. That's not courage. That's cosmetic surgery and a dress. Hats off to everyone who surgically alters themselves. Yay you. I still don't find elective cosmetic surgery to be an act of courage. 

"It's a courageous statement for the gay/lesbian/transgender community". What was the statement? That we as a society have lost sight of true courage and devalued the heart of true heroes. Well done. 

So we've got Lauren Hill who, in her short time, raised over a million dollars for pediatric cancer research. She raised awareness. She was an athlete who went out and played basketball knowing she was dying. That's more courageous than a millionaire with "identity issues" taking pictures. 

If you want to honor athletes for courage, try people like Danny Watkins the Philadelphia Eagles player who quit the NFL to become a firefighter. That seems courageous to me. And noble. 

Or Pat Tillman, a safety for the Arizona Cardinals who left the NFL to become an Army Ranger. He died while serving overseas and received the Purple Heart and Silver Star. THAT is courage. 

What about former Buffalo Bill, Bob Kalsu who left professional football only to die in combat as an Airborne Ranger in Vietnam. The first former football player to die while serving his country after quitting a lucrative career as an athlete. Yet Caitlyn Jenner gets the award for being on a magazine cover. On a magazine cover! Wasn't Charles Manson on the cover of LIFE magazine AND Rolling Stone? 

Where have we failed as a society and as a country when true heroes get overlooked in favor of political correctness and trying to please special interest groups? What's next, "lifetime achievement awards" for eating cereal? It's getting a bit ridiculous. Every day there are soldiers, police officers, firefighters and others who display courage multiple times a day selflessly and without recognition. Why are we honoring someone who's done nothing courageous? We are cheapening what true heroism is. Wounded Warriors are coming home every day and struggling. Instead of honoring THEM they celebrate a freak show in drag. 

"Jellybeans"

Magical jelly beans? Can this really be for real? 

Sit back, have a few and I'll tell you the deal. 

You ask how they can be magic, you really want to know. 

Well of course they are. They make your heart and your smile grow. 

It takes magic seeds, planted by garden gnomes. 

Watered by fairies who live in dewdrop homes. 

The weeds are removed by unicorns and their magical horn. 

Sometimes a piece falls off. (That's called candy corn). 

They give you strength and make all your sickness leave. 

Every time you eat one you build up more magic I believe. 

That tasty goodness even dries tears, I've seen it myself. 

That's why it's so hard to keep the magic ones on the shelf. 

I grow some myself from seeds I got from a fairy prince. 

When I first met him he was just a frog on my fence. 

We sat under a toadstool and he told me the secret way back when. 

The secret, he said, is the jelly bean's magic comes from within. 

The magic is in you, you just have to set it free. 

And that's the story as it was told to me. 

"Siri ously Irritating"

Ok..so I run my blog from my iPhone. I have a laptop but I don't really know how to use it. I write all my "poetry" and posts in the notes section of my iPhone. Whenever I'm ready to post something then I'll copy and paste it. Sounds pretty simple, right? I like simple. 

Here lately I've had several people ask me if I dictate stuff into my phone while I'm driving. No, I manually type it all out. For 2 reasons. The first of which is that I can't speak what I write. I know it sounds odd but, let's face it, I AM odd. I can't even just have a conversation with someone. I have to be playing solitaire or reading a book or something in order to carry on a conversation. Manually typing it out slows my brain down enough to let the words flow. 

The second reason? Quite simple. I have an iPhone. iPhone has Siri. Siri and I don't get along. Personally, I think there's a solution. Make Siri a guy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about females here. My keeper is a female and we talk quite a lot and I think she's awesome in every way. However, Siri is her own special brand of female. She's set to English but either she doesn't understand it or I'm an idiot. My keeper would probably say it's a toss-up at times. Rightly so. 

Siri and I...we have a "hate/hate" relationship. Here's kinda how our "talks" go...

Me: Siri, call Michael

Siri: I'm sorry, I can't find micro in your contacts. 

M: no..call..Michael

S: I didn't find any movies called "fall"

M: nooo...callll...Michael

S: the weather will be sunny today in San Diego. 

M: wtf?!

S: I'm sorry, I can't take any requests at the moment. 

Really, it's easier to just pick up the damn phone and punch in numbers. It's not worth the fights. 

I'd hate to see how my poems would come out. 

Did they have Professor Xavier programming Siri?! It takes some level of telepathy to work with this thing. She's the queen of passive-aggressive, Siri is. The other day I was just in a generally frustrated mood and snapped while talking to myself. Splendid job, Apple, setting Siri up to respond to my voice even if I don't hold down the "Siri do what I command" button. She scared the hell outta me. Here I scream "you suck" and Siri pops up out of nowhere with "after everything I've done for you?". Seriously?! Like WHAT, raise my blood pressure? 

Little Miss Siri seems to think I couldn't function without her. That's not the case. What I need is someone to talk me down when Siri makes me homicidal. Nothing quite makes my day like when I say, "send a message to Firefly." (No, that's not her real name. We are truck drivers; we only call people by their real names when we are mad at them. A truck driver calling you by your legal name is like your mom using all three of your names.) and Siri responds with "I found 4 results for 'flyby' on the Internet."  What?! Did I lapse into Hindi or something, Siri?! 

So I propose we make Siri male. We can just call him Dude. Just make him casual. "Hey, Dude, call Mike".  I bet he'd come back with something like, "yeah, man, I'm going give him a jingle. You guys chat and I'll just chill over here." 

Hey, Dude, send Firefly a message..."you got it, bro. Tell her I said howdy." Thanks, Dude. 

See? Easy. Listen up, Apple. Help us out a little. Explain to Siri that we all speak just a little differently or at different speeds. Or bring us something that's not going to want to make us throw our phone out the window.