"What a Father Does"

I was asked once if I had any childhood memories that I looked back on as defining moments. So I've spent some time lately reflecting. As it turns out, there are several but I'll try to stay focused. Ritalin don't fail me now...

I've got a pretty good memory; better than average as I understand it. I can draw floor plans for places I've lived as far back as 40 years ago or list Christmas presents clear back til then. Some people would attribute it to electroshock therapy but I think it's because I've tempted fate so many times throughout my life that I probably have a record for "near death experiences". I'm still waiting to hear back from Guiness on that. 

So I've gotta narrow it down for myself. Would I consider any of the monumentally stupid things I've done that "defining moment"? To sort through that list could take the better part of a decade. Now that I think about it, I'm surprised I'm still alive. Wait...let me check my pulse. I'll be right back. 

Ok. Good news. I'm not clinically dead. Bad news. I therefore have no excuse for why I'm still in bed then. Oh, I was writing. That's right. Ok. A childhood memory. Defining moment maybe. Let's see...hhmm... Wait! I know!! A memory that has stuck with me for decades. Sometimes resurfaces at seemingly random moments. 

It's not one of those moments that wins "feel good moment of the year" but I suppose they can't all be great. This one requires a little bit of set up so let's address that first. Cue the wavy background and "flashback" music. Let's go for a trip down memory lane. 

As we've established, I  was a pretty unruly kid. I was living with a "mother" who was gone for days at a time and would eventually come home drunk or jacked up on one drug or another. Though I'm not out to make excuses for the fact I was a hellion, I feel it's helpful to explain I had no guidance. 

Eventually my dad was made aware of the problem and he insisted I be allowed to go live with him rather than the "home for troubled boys" that I was facing. I was all for it as I hadn't seen him in years because he had been stationed in Europe. 

He got temporary custody of me and arrangements were made for him to get permanent custody. I think the temporary custody was to allow a trial run and make sure I hadn't grown into an axe murderer. He did have a wife and kid to consider. Who could blame him for being cautious after the tales he'd heard. 

And that's when it happened. The memory that still sticks with me. My dad had his attorney draw up the paperwork and we went back down to Tampa so she could sign custody over to him. He was excited, I was excited. It was going to be a good day. Or so we thought. 

As she touched the pen to the paper she hesitated. She raised the pen and looked at my dad and said, "I'm gonna need $3,000 before I can sign this."

Bear in mind, folks, that this was my birth mother. She smiled at me and my father as she rattled off a price like an auctioneer. At the age of 12 I'd been told how much I was worth. This was in 1984 but, even back then, this wasn't even enough to buy a car. 

How was that a defining moment, you ask? Was I devastated? Well, of course, it was devastating at the time. But it was motivational as well. Educational even. And from that day forth, knowing how little my own birth mother valued me, I strive to improve myself in every way. She may have thought I wasn't worth much but I watched my dad swallow his pride to raise the money as quickly as he could. He told me he didn't care about money; he just wanted ME. Because he's a father. Not just a good one but a great one and that's what fathers do. 

So what I learned from that was that some people may not value you much but, to the people who truly love you, you're priceless. I've lost sight of this on occasion and allowed people I was in a relationship with or married to to treat me like an afterthought. So I encourage you to make sure you remember that you are priceless to somebody. Don't let anyone devalue you. 

Guest Post: Flash Fiction

Whatever

It’s really not that hard, you just make a decision. You think about what you want to do and then you work at it. Simple. Easy. That’s what I tell him, but it never sinks in.

Lots of people change their jobs, but you need to pick a vocation. You have to start. If you don’t do something you will never be ready for anything, that’s what I’ve been telling him for three years. I keep on telling him, but he never listens. Now I’m trying to show him carpentry, but he’s always distracted.

“I’ve got a splitting headache.”

Lot that phone will do for you son. Yeah, keep on staring at that phone, texting, watching videos.

“Son, will you put that thing down and pay attention!”

“Wait It’s almost done, Dad you should see this.”

“No thanks.”

Boy can’t read you know, that school just passed him through, can’t read a sentence, can’t turn a page, doesn’t know what a page is. Hell doesn’t know what a book is. Last month I bought him a book, he never read it.

“Come on son, put it down we need to cut these boards. I need to get these deck boards cut before it rains.” Deaf as a post. Put your gloves and goggles on and go get that plank over there.”

“What’s a plank Dad? Don’t look at me that way. I asked cause I don’t know. You always tell me to ask, don’t you?”

“The planks are the one by sixes, thinner than the other boards, and they are as long as the shed.”

Always ignores me, don’t pay no attention. I showed him everything as a kid, took him places, took him to Washington, told him about this country, took him to a Chicago museum just to show him a dinosaur. I showed that kid how to ski down a mountain when he was seven, and now all he does is look at that damn phone.

“I will set the guide fence on the saw, but you need to keep an eye on the plank as we guide it through.”

“I don’t like this saw, it’s noisy and I’m kinda scared of it. Can’t you get someone else to help.”

“No, I got you. Afraid you might learn something, huh. Just keep your eyes on the board, it needs to go straight and not bind the blade or she’ll kick back. Now, son look at me, are you ready?”

“Whatever… all-knowing father. Wisest man on the planet!”

Smart ass ain’t he. Got that from me. Only way I’d know he’s my kid. Ain’t got a lick a sense. Start this saw up, and then I don’t need to listen to his disrespectful mouth.

I motion to him to keep the board near the fence, he is shaking a little. Or maybe it’s that damn phone vibrating. I keep pushing at a nice steady speed, watching the fence, watching the board. Darn it! There’s a knot in the board. I should have looked at it. Gonna pop out, kid didn’t put his goggles on. I motion to him about his goggles and point to the knot. “Your goggles not the phone cover your eyes.” I keep putting one hand up to show him. Does he think I’m gonna call him while I’m pushin this board through. Here comes the knot, and there goes the knot, right up to his forehead. He’s not bleeding, gonna be fine.

“I’m done dad. I’m not helping no more. I going to Kaitlyn’s house.”

“Son, I need you here.”

“I’m not staying here cutting these stupid boards and doing whatever you want. I’m nineteen and I got a life. I’m going to Kaitlyn’s.”

“You know son, you got yourself a nice girl. She’s got a good head on her shoulders, and she’s pretty. What are you going do when she’s done school and moves on?”

“Thanks for the slap and the compliment. That’s what I love about you dad— can’t say something nice without saying something bad.”

“I’m not supposed to be your friend, I’m your father.”

 I need that kid and he’s not here. How am I going finish this. I just sit sometimes thinking about my boy. I need my boy. I need my boy. I need him. Stop crying you baby. I need him, God bring him back. Why’d you take him. I wasn’t done teaching him, not even close, had so much more to do and you stole him. Gimmie back my boy. Every time I sit on this deck, I hear those sirens going… I think about him. I hated that phone, I hated it so much I wanted to smash it with my hammer. Hate it Hate it… I can see myself striking it, watching the pieces fly into the air, but it never changes, he’s gone. I wasn’t done coaching you boy. You know I tried, you know it, I tried always every day, I kept trying to show you something, wanted you to be ready, more ready than me. Every father wants that… every dad, always wants their kids to be better than themselves. I kept telling him don’t talk and text on that phone while you’re driving. His mother bought him that phone, I was against it, and now she’s damned for it too. It was just a drive back from the market, he was just going to Kaitlyn’s. She was just going to the market, she be back soon. I hear them now, maybe that’s her car, maybe they’re getting a second chance. Them sirens blaring again, who is it now? This deck was for me and her, she liked a little wine in the evenings and watching the sunset, it was all for her. Now they’re both gone, and it’s just me and little Lisa. How do I tell her, her mom’s never coming back?

Dear god, how do I tell her… that her brother killed her mother?

Copyright © 2015 Artemis J Jones