Monday, October 24, 2016

"Waiting, What a Rush"

So unemployment is at a record low now, eh? That's what Emperor Obama says and his supporters parrot him. I'm a little curious about something though. Where's everyone working and why aren't they at work today?! Middle of the day on most weekdays and traffic is thick and heavy. Congestion starts at like noon. Rush hour is now "stop and go 4 hours". 
People going on vacation in the middle of the damn week or something? Who's paying for all this gas? Why don't these people know how to drive?! Why are all these people on my bloody ROAD?! Go home! 

Arrrrgh! Buncha non-driving turd jockeys! Just drifting from lane to lane with no turn signals, speeding up to cut each other off, clogging up my highway. Oh! And can we please, please, PLEASE quit making vanity plates?! Good grief, I hate those things. 
I bet some of these guys crack themselves up with how "clever" they are. Rarely are they actually all that great. Some are so cryptic they're pretty much pointless. Like what is "I LUV BON"?? You love good?? Good what?! Good FOOD?! Just good fun? Are you trying to prep for Mardi Gras? Why not "I LUV BON TEMPE"? Good WHAT already?! I was waiting for them to have "Jovi" written on the damn bumper. 

Speaking of bumpers, the things I've seen on bumper stickers makes me terrified of the future. These Coexist bumper stickers? Cute sentiment. Makes people think you're just a big ole soft hearted trail mix eating flower child. All "peace and love". Liars. I've seen some of those "Coexist" people drive like they just HOPED they could run someone over. Talk about aggressive driving. Honking and screaming as they tore through traffic; I was positive they'd push a carload of nuns off a cliff to get 10 feet farther down the road. 

Sigh. I realize not everyone rides around looking at cars and I understand not everyone knows cars. Well thank god some folks were kind enough to put the make of their car across the windows in giant letters. Chopper pilots are looking down going "that's an impala.", from a mile up. Yeah, yeah, I know it's "cool" but I can't help but think to myself "how stupid is this person that they bought a car but can't remember what they bought?" 
Is this how they tell people to find them at the mall? "I'm in the Honda Civic. It's the one that says Honda Civic across the windshield." Or is it more like "so, Billy, what kind of car do you have?"  I dunno. Let me go look at my windows. 

Ya know what I don't get? In order to drive a large vehicle pulling a trailer I had to get a CDL. Yet I see the friggin Griswalds out here pulling a trailer with a rental RV or U haul. Really?! 
Here I am with special training I paid for, all kinds of ridiculous rules and regulations I've gotta learn and remember, and there's Betsy Homemaker with her gardening hat, chihuahua in her lap, driving a 40 foot U-Haul with a car and a trailer bouncing around behind it. She's totally oblivious of things like clearance, traffic or mirrors but she gave the rental company her credit card so she's "good to go". 
I'm subject to laws regarding weight restrictions on roads or how many hours I can drive in a day. Then there's companies out there who literally rent RV's for cruising across America. I've gotta worry about stopping for a mandatory 30 minute break every eight hours but Grandpa Jones can bebop down the motorway sipping his Metamucil laced Shirley Temple all day. 

Meanwhile the fuel paradox remains: if all these people are driving around in cars all day then they obviously aren't at work. So how do they keep buying gas to joy ride to the mall all damn day?! 

Sunday, October 9, 2016

"The Calm"

Clouds of despair growing ominous and dark
Turning your sunny disposition into one of sadness
As a lifetime of bad decisions strike their mark
Voices of negativity thundering into madness
You feel the downpour beating you down by the minute
Flooding you and washing your self confidence away
You're fighting the storm but you're caught up in it
The tempestuousness of life overwhelming every day
The storm clouds of life will consume you if you let them
But you can turn to the shelter of my arms when they form
For we can weather this life together my friend 
And rejoice in the calm that always follows that storm