Tuesday, April 28, 2020


So you’ve got an oversized mask that doesn’t really do shit for ya, the oversized nitrile or latex glove flapping around on just one hand, cell phone in the other, wearing flip flops, shorts and tank top. Congrats on being safe as possible. You’ve got this whole thing down. You probably also wear your mask in your car.  There’s a pandemic going on, ya know. 

You went into the store with it’s “one-way only” aisles and stock piled for the apocalypse, grabbing way more than you need to make sure there’s not enough left for anyone else.  Paid with a debit card that’s been in god knows how many machines, using your dominant hand because you already had that glove off so it didn’t get in the way while you were texting. Good thinking. Again, congrats on being super safe. You’ll likely just leave your cart sitting up against the car one space over as you unload it and just leave it there as you drive off.  Can’t be bothered to put it away... there’s a pandemic going on. 

Now that you’re all loaded up you’re done with the mask and glove so that’ll get tossed out right there in the parking lot.  You don’t carry biohazard waste bags with you and Walmart didn’t put any right next to your car for you, so what do they expect you to do with your disposable corona gear? Go ahead, just toss it on the ground. There’s a pandemic going on. 

Now you’ll get in your magic bubble of a car, put another mask on, zoom around texting, change lanes without signaling, cut across a few lanes to hit the turn you nearly missed while playing FarmVille and shit, and it’ll be ok if you cause an accident or kill someone because you’re “COVID FREE”.  Of course, there’s also a chance that you weren’t playing your game and you were just facebooking about how much we need to look out for others during this pandemic. That seems to be a popular thing to do too, either on Facebook or twitting. #hypocrite 

The most dangerous part of this flu, so far, has been the panic and paranoia. It’s like hoarders meets doomsday preppers out there. And the level of paranoia? Crazy. I wouldn’t be surprised if even Liberals are buying guns so they can pop off a few rounds at anyone who coughs. That’d be a sight to see... those “anti gun” people who can’t tell a trigger from a straw just trying to blam away. There’s a panicdemic going on. 

Of course, I’m surprised those Liberals haven’t lost their entire minds about the pseudo “social distancing” in home improvement places. People will get close enough to run your toes over with a buggy or elbow you out of their way in the aisle but freak out if you’re within 8 feet of them at the register. Trust me, if you’re gonna get this flu at the store, it’s not gonna be at the register. 

Egocentric, narcissistic assholes. If you’re honestly worried then just hermetically seal yourself at home and order everything online. Stay off the roads, out of the stores, and quit throwing your useless homemade “bio wear” on the ground.  I’m fine with you online crusader, real life hypocrites staying home year round every year. 

Thursday, April 9, 2020

Living the DreamWorks

Ok, folks, I’ve stayed away long enough. I’ve not posted in a long time but I just can’t stand it anymore. Every day I see the insanity just increase and I can’t help but laugh when I’m out in public now. 

Used to be that when people looked at me like I’d just grown a dick out of my forehead I figured I’d said something out loud again. These days I get that look because I’m not walking around in biohazard gear, homemade or otherwise. Because that seems to be the new dress code. I’m half expecting to see top fashion designers displaying their “high fashion gas masks” soon. 

I go to Publix and the aisles are all “one way” now with arrows on the floor and everything.  Cashiers in surgical masks and gloves, customers in surgical masks, using bandanas as masks, or any other homemade concoction they can think of. Best part? The large majority are using them with big ole gaps in the sides or  only half right. Not sure what they’re trying to prevent but it damn sure isn’t this flu. 

Quick tip... bandanas and surgical masks don’t keep you from catching a cold. They’re great for your pollen allergies but not super for cold prevention. So you wore a cheesy mask all half-assed. Good on ya.  Did you sanitize all your groceries? Did you sanitize the gas pump? Your money and cards? Your paper towel and toilet paper packages? You know, the ones you hoarded in case you shit yourself to death as a result of fear and paranoia. 

Did you sanitize the tabloids you picked up? You know, the ones that told us Tom Hanks has COVID and is going to tell us about his “brave struggle”.  People are paranoid because of how many people have this flu or have died as a result but Tom Hanks getting it? That’s earth shattering news! Now we know he’s human. And the world keeps spinning. 

We won’t need actors anymore anyway because it’s kinda like we’re living in a movie these days. The first week or so after America began freaking out the stores looked like they’d had a going out of business sale. Even guns and ammo flew off the shelves. (Bet that pissed off the Democrats). 

I had to order ammo online and paid twice what I normally do. I just wanted to be able to play at the range. Are we prepping for an apocalypse? Or are we just all getting ready to hunt for our food because hoarders are emptying the stores? If so, maybe we should start our hunting with these people who are buying out things just so they can price gouge for these things online. 

Sorry. I’ve gone on long enough this time. I’m sure I’ll be back soon to talk about how crazy things are becoming. The crazy just keeps amplifying because of this cold that’s going around.