"Brakin' the Law"

Hey you. Yeah, you over there in the car, truck and minivan. Ever look up to notice us truck drivers laughing at you? No? Well we do. And there are certain times and reasons it happens the most. Wanna know the secrets? Here, I'll give you food for thought. 

When you're bebopping down the interstate, barely at or over the speed limit and you see a cop in the middle, what do you do? Most people hit the brakes like "oh, lawd, I'm going to prison! I'm doing 60 in a 60; I'd better slow down!!" 

Newsflash, folks, when you see that cop it's already too late. Next time you see a cop car watching traffic, look around at the big trucks. See brake lights? Nope. Why is that, ya think? Several reasons. 

Let's look at this logically. When you hit those brakes several things happen. One, the nose of your car dips. So there's a visual indicator for ya. When you brake in a panic it makes us have to panic a little. You don't want that. Especially not if we big trucks are moving as a herd. We travel that way a lot. "Safety in numbers", ya know. 

Imagine a zebra running in the middle of a herd of elephants. Everyone's running at the same pace with the zebra in the middle. Suddenly the zebra wants to stop. What do ya think happens to that critter? It becomes pudding. You don't wanna be pudding, do ya?

Now, if you're cruising along and see a cop behind you it's still too late when you see him. Especially if he's just a few car lengths away. Which seems to be the distance at which your blinders come off. You hit the brakes again like "no no, officer, I've been doing 5 below the speed limit the whole time." Yeah, right. Hey, guess what! You know how you can tell someone in front of you suddenly slowed down because of their brake lights? So can that poeleaseman. You know your car has those things too, right? You may not have turn signals (I think most cars don't have turn signals anymore) but you've definitely got brake lights. 

So, I ask you, is it necessary to single handedly mess up the flow of traffic because you overreact? Watch the trucks and you'll see that while you're busy convincing everyone you're not Mario Andretti we will just change lanes and pass that same traffic cop. No brake lights, no panic, just business as usual. 

As self absorbed as most drivers are, they don't notice the problems they cause by being panicky like that. 

Like last week, I saw a car in the hammer lane (That's "the far left lane" for the regular folk) practically stand on his brake pedal because there was a cop car in the median facing traffic. This caused a whole line of cars behind him to panic and brake real hard. The car two cars behind him had to swerve. Typically this is a good evasive maneuver. Except when you swerve into an occupied lane. This caused THAT car to careen into the far right lane (we call that the granny lane. Whoever came up with that clearly never saw some of these grannies drive) where he collided with a minivan. 

One idiot's overreaction caused an accident behind him. Nearly a 4 car collision. Did he seem remorseful? Who knows, he sped off. I'm guessing he was as oblivious to what happened behind him as he was to the fact that that cop car was unoccupied. 

Unfortunately, none of the cars involved were able to check their mirrors, I'd wager, since it happened so quickly. However, I've seen many accidents that likely could've been avoided had someone checked mirrors. Now, I'm about to say something here that may come as a complete surprise to some people. Ladies, and some of those "Caitlin Jenner" type guys, that thing you use to apply make up while driving...it is actually intended for looking for other vehicles. Guys that shave while driving, same thing goes for you. It's a unisex mirror. 

Now, for you folks that are panic braking when you see a cop because you are trying to set a land speed record with Scotty's voice playing in your head "she's givin it all she's got, Captain. We need more dilithium crystals!"...odds are you're way in front of the pack you just weaved your way through. Going so fast the wind is whipping through your hair while your windows are up. You guys? You've got it coming. Same rule applies though; when you see him it's too late. But why are you in such a hurry anyway? Seriously. If you need to go so fast and loose on the highway then you should've left sooner to get where you're going. It's a car, not an F-16. When we see you guys on the shoulder of the road later with that blue and red disco ball, we laugh. We point, we sometimes honk a "hello" and "thanks for finding him for us. He's gonna be busy throwing tickets at you for a while so I'll just mash motor on down the highway." 

It's a simple concept, folks. I've harped on it before and I'm sure I'll hop up on that soapbox many times like I'm at a presidential debate. Drive with some common sense. Your choices can have far-reaching consequences. Maybe not always for you but for someone. You'd hate the NASCAR qualifier on the highway, the idiot that locked them up and caused a pileup as he drove off, or that moron that couldn't be bothered to look in the mirrors if any of them caused your loved ones bodily harm through their irresponsible driving. Wouldn't you? As would I. So don't be "that guy". I drive like every vehicle within sight has my kids in it and act accordingly. Give it a try. And spread the message. Maybe, in time, everyone can adopt that way of thinking and there'd be less accidents. I know I'd like lower insurance rates. 

"Stocked Up"

I had a short day today and got parked fairly early. So I went inside to grab a bite to eat after I took the dogs for a walk. Those of you who know me know I've gotta have my milk. None of that 2% stuff; I want 100% milk. 2% sounds like it should be served in a shot glass. If it's 2% milk, what's the other 98%, air? 

So I go inside, grab my nice, cold cow juice and some hard boiled eggs. I'm trying to watch my girlish figure, ya know. I head over to the "driver's lounge", which is basically a room with a t.v. and a bunch of truck drivers sitting around it talking about "well I woulda told that officer...", to see what's on. 

Oh goody, cars! Left turn, left turn, left turn... There are about 8 other truck drivers in there basically salivating over watching cars go in a circle. And here's where I sound unAmerican. "Hey, ya ever notice these guys really don't get anywhere because they're running in circles?"

I think one guy gave me the "stink eye" before asking, "you don't like stock car racing, boy?"

Well of course I have no problem watching traffic. I'm a truck driver; watching traffic is essentially our way of life. In real life we wish they would all move as quickly as these guys on TV. 

In fact, I'm watching these guys merge back into race traffic and thinking "so how come people ease onto the highway at 45, glaring at me like I'm the idiot in their way instead of them just gauging traffic and merging seamlessly?! Look! It CAN be done!" It amazes me how these guys can do it at what appears to be Mach 2 and regular folk can't do it at 65mph. 

So I had to wonder....they call it stock car racing. What's "stock" on these cars? Even the headlights are decals. I need ones that put off actual light. I don't need a LOT of light, but I'm not gonna drive just using "the force" at night either. 

The horsepower is insane and, quite frankly, I'm glad regular cars don't have anywhere near that amount. With the way normal folk drive, the number of traffic deaths would be exponentially higher. I've never in my life seen a car like these rolling down the freeway. Yet they're "stock"? What gives? 

Then something happens and I suddenly understand the draw. Two cars wreck at warp speed. Pieces fly this way and that. Debris, CARnage, cartastrophe (yes, I deliberately spelled it that way) at high speeds! It was awesome to watch. I get it now. 

It's not the RACE they're watching it for, it's the WRECKS. We are some twisted creatures I tell you. I was right there watching it with them, all slack-jawed watching and kinda giggling as I thought "CARtwheel!"  As "civilized" as we are we enjoy mayhem. 

If there's a wreck on the northbound side of the highway I can assure you there'll be another one on the southbound side in short order. Maybe even a few on both sides. We can't help it, we have to look. It's in our genetic makeup, I think. 

And they look as they're driving. Head turned full circle like a scene from "The Exorcist" as they go past. Sometimes so busy looking that they create their own accident. Bravo old chap. Job well done. Now you've screwed it up for the people behind you too. 

Is it our destructive nature? Let's be honest, what usually attracts the most attention? Something involving mayhem and destruction, or the building of a hospital?