Sunday, July 5, 2015

"Banned Wagon"

I would like to address a serious issue that no one seems to be willing to do anything about. People are dying out there and it can be prevented. We MUST unite and take action soon!

I saw yet another needless death on the news today. And we aren't doing anything about it as a nation. I've heard no talk of protests, gun control or banning anything. I've even scoured the internet looking for groups that are campaigning for protection or anything. It baffles me. 
I mean, every time someone gets killed or injured by a cop I don't see protestors with signs reading "ban laws; breaking them can get you hurt". Whenever there's a shooting people start campaigning to get rid of flags, symbols or guns because clearly those are the culprits. 

So, I want to address these deaths I saw today on the news. I'd like to raise awareness so I did some research. How have we missed this?! 
On average, more than 100 people per day die in car crashes in the U.S. annually. The death toll for a single day can range from 45 to 252 people. In fact, the days with the most crashes are around holiday periods with July 4th weekend being the highest. 

And it gets worse! Did you know that lightning alone kills about 52 people a year?! How are we still allowing this happen? And there's drowning. Roughly 350 people die every year from unintentional drowning. Intentional drowning? I'm not too sure how many. I don't know but I'm thinking some of the "unintentional" ones might be on purpose. Because people aren't just gonna fess up to drowning their spouse unless they're complete idiots. I've met a few people that have tempted me. 
But why aren't we banning these things? I mean, c'mon, we keep handing out driver's licenses even though cars are clearly weapons of mass destruction. In fact, our government saw fit to lend financial aid to car manufacturers who were facing bankruptcy. Doesn't that kinda make the White House "arms dealers"? They know how dangerous cars are. That's why the President has a plane and helicopter. Duh. Not to mention cars are obviously symbols of inequality. Rich folks flaunt it in everyone's faces by buying really expensive cars while the poor have beat up looking Flintstonemobiles. The poorest of the poor have to ride the bus. Or even...WALK! How undignified. Granted, it's free cardio but still, so inhumane. I say we unite to ban these murderous, hateful icons of oppression over the poor. 

Speaking of walking, it's hot out there in the summer. Especially in the south. Let's not forget northern winters. Combined, the summer and winter temperatures claim approximately 2,000 lives annually. When you consider lightning, tornadoes, heat, cold and other natural phenomena, we are looking at about 4,500 deaths yearly in the United States alone. Plus there are tsunamis, earthquakes, volcanoes, the list goes on globally. I've not found a solid number for global deaths from "Mother Nature" and cars but my educated guess is it's a LOT. (Disclaimer: "a LOT" is not an official unit of measure anywhere yet so I'd like to copyright it as Touchet Units of Measure. Along with "assload", "shit ton" and "a buncha commas")
This "Mother Nature", she's kinda cruel. What kind of mother kills so many of her offspring? We should look into maybe fining her for lack of cooperation at the very least. I think sometimes it's premeditated so we should consider murder charges. Perhaps we can't get rid of her because she is kinda handy with that whole "spring" and "fall" stuff but even those sound a little violent. Maybe we should change their names to something like "gentle bounce" and "cushy landing". 

We haven't even gotten into wildlife yet. I haven't been able to find stats on number of people killed by mountain goats or rabid badgers but I'm sure there have to be a few. Sharks, bears, Pumas, they kill people too though. Admittedly, wildlife isn't as big an issue because the death toll on humans is dropping. Thankfully that's because the ones we can't eat we are slowly killing off. Hey, that's what they get for not being tasty. Want your species to survive? Evolve some flavor. Or be more useful as work animals. Geez. 

Back to the cars. Sorry, they're so incredibly violent that I can't forget them. Wrap your mind around those numbers. Roughly 40,000 people killed in just the United States. Contributing factors? Alcohol. It's an accomplice, time for prohibition again. Drugs. Are we winning that war yet? I'm starting to think not. Speeding. We govern 18 wheelers, why not cars? Cars kill more people than trucks by far. Sleep deprivation. Truck drivers are only allowed to drive a certain number of hours a day and have to account for every minute of every day. I notice people in cars can drive tired though. Distracted driving like texting. If you get caught in a truck with a phone in your hand the first time fine is over $2,000. Maybe folks in cars should experience this prohibition too. In the interest of saving lives. Also, to get rid of distractions, we should ban billboards (especially those light up atrocities), mini skirts (I know they've almost caused me a few accidents), and pets in cars or kids in cars. Those critters can be pretty distracting. 
Let's not forget that another contributing factor to those deaths is stupidity. That is probably the largest factor. Therefore, I say we get rid of it. Just completely ban stupidity. That'll save us from a bunch of other problems too so it seems the best move. Maybe we could determine a "national average" for intelligence level required for different activities. It'd be like the "no child left behind" thing but with a twist. We'd have to stick with it though and not just make the tests easier as we become dumber. I know that's what we are doing now but it's certainly not helping. 

I'll think of the activities we could apply this to. You guys can help with suggestions or something. It'll be fun. I'll even write up the post and we can try to implement it while we're pushing the nature bans up to Congress and shit.