"Get The Truck Outta Here"

I'm a polyglot. That means I speak multiple languages. Three of them are European though I'm not quite fluent in German or Italian yet. But I'm working on it. I went to school for one European language, the other two are kinda "self taught". I've got this nifty app called Duolingo and I greatly enjoy it. 

Among the languages I know, several aren't taught online or in the classroom. Life and experience has helped me master "snark", "sarcasm" and "asshole" to a level far above "scholar". These, in addition to just plain English, have become my most common forms of communication. Unfortunately, however, I haven't learned to speak "dumbass" yet. Which led to yesterday's miscommunication. 

See, there's a new Petro truck stop in Illinois and I had to stop there for fuel. Nice, big place with pleasant employees. Inside things were great. When I walked back out, however, things went not great. There was a guy outside with a sign advocating getting trucks off the road. 

My first thought was, "is this some radical new form for committing suicide??" I couldn't help myself. Target acquired and locked. Prepare to engage! 

"Um, excuse me, what's with the sign?" 

We are a group supporting Bernie Sanders' proposal to get trucks off our roads. 

"Hmm. You're a Sanders supporter AND you're at a truck stop advocating putting trucks out of business. So that already tells me what I need to know about you but I'll play along. This could fun for a minute." That was my internal thought. What I said aloud was "you know you're at a truck stop with this, right? That's about like a rabbit hopping into a wolf den.

"So why're you wanting trucks off the road?"

"Because they cause too many deaths and accidents."

"Hhmm. Ok. How many deaths and accidents a year are trucks responsible for?"

"A lot"

"Wow. A lot, eh? Is that an official number? Try this number out: the department of transportation states that in accidents between cars and trucks, the car is at fault for 86% of those accidents. 86%. That's an actual number. 

"So maybe we should advocate to get 86% of the cars off the road and the roads would be much safer. Whatcha think, Sparky?"

"Well trucks go too slow and clog up traffic too."

"Hmm. Let's explore that. Most companies govern, that's limit the speed of, their trucks for insurance purposes. My truck isn't governed. Should I run around driving as fast as you guys do? Let's also remember most cities restrict trucks to certain lanes but not cars. So you guys are free to get around us slow rolling wildebeests of the road.

"Since we're here, though, let's talk some more. Let me ask you, how long can you be up and driving before you're required by law to stop?"

"That's absurd. No one tells me when I can and can't drive. But at least I'm smart enough to get off the road when I'm tired. You guys aren't. You drive tired all the time."

"Ok. So you can drive as much as you want. Do you know that the department of transportation limits us to no more than 14 hours on duty, meaning 'up and doing stuff', with no more than 11 hours of those being drive time? And, of those 11, we can't be on duty for more than 8 hours before being required to take a break. 

"Look around, Tiger, you see all those trucks in the parking lot? Those guys are sleeping or taking their required break. Our choices for places to stop are more limited because of the size of our vehicle but we do stop when needed.

"Now, what's your solution to trucks? People need stuff. We bring stuff. It seems to work that way."

"We could just move everything by train. It's better for the environment and won't cause so much trouble on the roads."

"Capital idea, my man! Capital idea. Wait. You seem to be wearing store bought clothes. So let me ask you, if I may, when you went to the mall to get your clothes did you happen to see... Oh, I don't know, a TRAIN STATION there? Get your car at a dealership? See a train depot on the lot? At the gas station? The grocery store? Should I continue or are you getting the general idea here?"

"We could build more railways. It would create more jobs."

"Oh. You mean jobs for the 650,000 plus people you're looking to put out of a job? You ever pick up one piece of railroad rail? It's heavy. How do you plan on getting that rail everywhere? Got a train that doesn't need rail? Yep. It's called a truck.

"Look, killer, right up until I saw your sign and you started speaking I assumed you were brighter than your shoes. After that I rapidly changed my mind. I recommend Tony Chachere's."

"Huh?"

"Tony Chachere's. It's a seasoning. We like our food seasoned. Good luck out here, you're gonna need it. I've gotta run. But, before I go, consider this:

You want trucks off the road in your county, imagine when you've gotta drive to the next county for pretty much everything you need that you can't grow. Welcome to the Wild West, pardner"

Now, as it turns out, the website he mentioned (yes, I've omitted their website because I simply don't promote their cause) was founded by a woman who lost her 8 year old grandson due to a "collision with an 18 wheeler". Let's process that. Not "was hit by", but collided into. 

In other words, THEY ran into the truck. The loss of a loved one is tragic, I understand that. However, to fault trucks for people in cars not knowing how to drive is idiotic. 

We (truck drivers) deliver products that everyone needs. Just like the rest of you, we are simply trying to do a job. We don't run around looking to cause problems for cars. More often than not, cars are the ones causing the accidents. Think long and hard about what life would be like if you couldn't just go to the store to get what you want. What life would be like if you couldn't just stop in and fill up your car at the gas station. Even what it would be like if there were no lumber stores or buildings to get materials needed to build or run your home. 

People hate that our giant vehicles get in the way and slow them down. They blame us every time they cut us off and cause an accident. They want us off the roads but they fail to realize how much we drive the economy. Highway usage taxes and fees in the billions yearly that help support construction of new roads and repair of old ones. They fail to realize how post apocalyptic the world would be within a week if we all just stopped. 

"Banned Wagon"

I would like to address a serious issue that no one seems to be willing to do anything about. People are dying out there and it can be prevented. We MUST unite and take action soon!

I saw yet another needless death on the news today. And we aren't doing anything about it as a nation. I've heard no talk of protests, gun control or banning anything. I've even scoured the internet looking for groups that are campaigning for protection or anything. It baffles me. 

I mean, every time someone gets killed or injured by a cop I don't see protestors with signs reading "ban laws; breaking them can get you hurt". Whenever there's a shooting people start campaigning to get rid of flags, symbols or guns because clearly those are the culprits. 

So, I want to address these deaths I saw today on the news. I'd like to raise awareness so I did some research. How have we missed this?! 

On average, more than 100 people per day die in car crashes in the U.S. annually. The death toll for a single day can range from 45 to 252 people. In fact, the days with the most crashes are around holiday periods with July 4th weekend being the highest. 

And it gets worse! Did you know that lightning alone kills about 52 people a year?! How are we still allowing this happen? And there's drowning. Roughly 350 people die every year from unintentional drowning. Intentional drowning? I'm not too sure how many. I don't know but I'm thinking some of the "unintentional" ones might be on purpose. Because people aren't just gonna fess up to drowning their spouse unless they're complete idiots. I've met a few people that have tempted me. 

But why aren't we banning these things? I mean, c'mon, we keep handing out driver's licenses even though cars are clearly weapons of mass destruction. In fact, our government saw fit to lend financial aid to car manufacturers who were facing bankruptcy. Doesn't that kinda make the White House "arms dealers"? They know how dangerous cars are. That's why the President has a plane and helicopter. Duh. Not to mention cars are obviously symbols of inequality. Rich folks flaunt it in everyone's faces by buying really expensive cars while the poor have beat up looking Flintstonemobiles. The poorest of the poor have to ride the bus. Or even...WALK! How undignified. Granted, it's free cardio but still, so inhumane. I say we unite to ban these murderous, hateful icons of oppression over the poor. 

Speaking of walking, it's hot out there in the summer. Especially in the south. Let's not forget northern winters. Combined, the summer and winter temperatures claim approximately 2,000 lives annually. When you consider lightning, tornadoes, heat, cold and other natural phenomena, we are looking at about 4,500 deaths yearly in the United States alone. Plus there are tsunamis, earthquakes, volcanoes, the list goes on globally. I've not found a solid number for global deaths from "Mother Nature" and cars but my educated guess is it's a LOT. (Disclaimer: "a LOT" is not an official unit of measure anywhere yet so I'd like to copyright it as Touchet Units of Measure. Along with "assload", "shit ton" and "a buncha commas")

This "Mother Nature", she's kinda cruel. What kind of mother kills so many of her offspring? We should look into maybe fining her for lack of cooperation at the very least. I think sometimes it's premeditated so we should consider murder charges. Perhaps we can't get rid of her because she is kinda handy with that whole "spring" and "fall" stuff but even those sound a little violent. Maybe we should change their names to something like "gentle bounce" and "cushy landing". 

We haven't even gotten into wildlife yet. I haven't been able to find stats on number of people killed by mountain goats or rabid badgers but I'm sure there have to be a few. Sharks, bears, Pumas, they kill people too though. Admittedly, wildlife isn't as big an issue because the death toll on humans is dropping. Thankfully that's because the ones we can't eat we are slowly killing off. Hey, that's what they get for not being tasty. Want your species to survive? Evolve some flavor. Or be more useful as work animals. Geez. 

Back to the cars. Sorry, they're so incredibly violent that I can't forget them. Wrap your mind around those numbers. Roughly 40,000 people killed in just the United States. Contributing factors? Alcohol. It's an accomplice, time for prohibition again. Drugs. Are we winning that war yet? I'm starting to think not. Speeding. We govern 18 wheelers, why not cars? Cars kill more people than trucks by far. Sleep deprivation. Truck drivers are only allowed to drive a certain number of hours a day and have to account for every minute of every day. I notice people in cars can drive tired though. Distracted driving like texting. If you get caught in a truck with a phone in your hand the first time fine is over $2,000. Maybe folks in cars should experience this prohibition too. In the interest of saving lives. Also, to get rid of distractions, we should ban billboards (especially those light up atrocities), mini skirts (I know they've almost caused me a few accidents), and pets in cars or kids in cars. Those critters can be pretty distracting. 

Let's not forget that another contributing factor to those deaths is stupidity. That is probably the largest factor. Therefore, I say we get rid of it. Just completely ban stupidity. That'll save us from a bunch of other problems too so it seems the best move. Maybe we could determine a "national average" for intelligence level required for different activities. It'd be like the "no child left behind" thing but with a twist. We'd have to stick with it though and not just make the tests easier as we become dumber. I know that's what we are doing now but it's certainly not helping. 

I'll think of the activities we could apply this to. You guys can help with suggestions or something. It'll be fun. I'll even write up the post and we can try to implement it while we're pushing the nature bans up to Congress and shit.