Friday, July 24, 2015

"Death of the Sales Pitch"

I'm kinda generous when it comes to a worthy cause. No, I didn't send any money to those kids that've been starving in Africa for the past 40 years or so. I would've sent them farm equipment or luggage though, if I could. They live in a desert so I'm thinking helping them move to someplace that has a Taco Bell would do them more good. Especially one of the ones that delivers now. They've starved for too long, I say let them enjoy obesity for a while. Nor do I cry when that ASPCA commercial comes on. I kinda got burned out on Sarah McLaughlin though. I have 2 dogs and I make it a point to not beat them or anything so I think that counts. 
I've got kids in Cub Scouts and I buy Camp Cards I don't need and popcorn I'll never eat. I even buy Girl Scout cookies like everyone else. All those kids are out there hawking wares like carnival barkers. "Support your local Cub Scouts" boys yelling, "help us go to camp", Girl Scouts literally screaming, "excuse me, mister, but you've eaten 3 boxes of cookies. We kinda need you to pay for those" ... You know, the usual. (In my defense on that last one, I thought the boxes on the tables were samples)

Fortunately, my keeper is more generous and creative than I. Some of these kids could learn from her. For instance, she stops at a truck stop and there's this teenage kid out there in his baseball regalia and what appears to be his coach with a sign "help us go to state". And a bucket. Did little DiMaggio say anything? Nope. Offer a good or service in exchange for the expected capital? Nope. Just a little sign. 
First off..."help us go to state". Um, you mean like you want me to help you win games? Dude, I'm no Derek Jeter, you don't want me out there playing for you. And which state? You're in Tennessee, are you looking to travel for vacation? Why do you need my help? Are you guys not very good? So many questions pop into my mind! 

What does Molly do? She goes inside, visits the ATM (I don't mean like she sat down with it for tea and crumpets or anything), talks it into giving her money and goes back outside. "If you clean my windows I'll give you $20". Wait...seriously?! $20 to clean the windows?! (Had I known I was dating a Rockefeller I'd have asked for a pony a long time ago.) Let me explain here that at truck stops we have squeegees on long poles and buckets of window cleaning solution. Cleaning your windows takes all of 5 minutes and it's not exactly labor intensive.  
The future Hall of Famer had to think a minute before deciding. He mulled it over so long his coach even volunteered to do it but, knowing that wouldn't have taught the kid the lesson intended, my keeper said no. Good thing it wasn't me because I'd have been "silence, interloper! Let the child learn not to live off hand outs! So sayeth me, have your squire cleaneth mine windows!" Or something to that affect. Which is probably part of why I'm not allowed out unsupervised. 

Heedless of the existing child labor laws she offered this kid a chance to do something besides stand there and point at his little sign. Which is what he had done when she asked what they were out there for. No words. He just points to the sign like he's a homeless Charlie Chaplin. 

Did she need her windows cleaned? Of course not. As I've mentioned she's quite meticulous. She practically cleans her windows as bugs hit them. Nor did she need Slugger to do it. In fact, her windows were even dirtier after he cleaned them. But she was trying to be generous to his cause. She's not incapable or lazy, I assure you. But she illustrated a good point. Just standing there looking all forlorn with a sign isn't going to get you where you're trying to go. C'mon kid, work for it a little. In fact, she even suggested he offer to clean truckers' windshields for $5 a pop. "Your team will have more money than they know what to do with at the end of a day."

We work hard, we all do. We don't mind helping people out. Truck drivers are typically suckers for a good cause. But, because we work so hard for every dime, we aren't going to just give out to everyone with a sign. Neither are you, I'm sure. But we can teach kids that they aren't simply "entitled" to handouts. 
Personally, I feel the coach was remiss here. If he can coach kids on the field, why not off the field as well?