"Citizen Ex.."

There's a good chance I'll be getting deported soon. Part of me thinks it'll suck, the other part fully understands. I'm fairly sure getting deported will hamper my bid for Presidency in 2020 though. I think that violates the conditions for running. For now at least. 

Some of you are probably shocked right now thinking "dear god, what's he done NOW?!"  Don't worry though, I've not broken any laws that are on the books just yet. It's the "unspoken rules" I've violated.  

See, I woke up this morning and checked my google+ account and Facebook just as I normally do. And that's when it hit me. I realized I wasn't offended by anything I saw. How unAmerican. Positively unpatriotic of me, not being up in arms over anything. 

I saw posts about a Muslim who feels discriminated against because her job required her to serve alcohol. Even though that was a job requirement when she took the job. Rather than just finding a job that fits her beliefs she felt the company should conform to her. So she's suing the airline for being upset that she won't do the job she was hired to do. 

Did that offend me? Nope. Par for the course here in the U.S. of A. If you don't want to do something, just cry "discrimination" and the country will flock to your side and demand an apology. Common sense just goes out the window in the interest of being the "happy feelings" country. 

I saw videos where people were protesting a violent criminal's death by breaking the law. Was I shocked? Not even a little. It's a well known fact we Americans should be able to break the law without risk of the police hampering our efforts. In fact...

I read where our President sent people and condolences to the thug's funeral and claimed we have a "police brutality" issue but neglected that we have a "violent thugs getting what's coming to them" issue. Which is really the larger problem. 

The same President who had a noted absence at any funerals for murdered police officers. Because this is America. "Home of the Free"... To live off society, rob, and riot. Where "Black Lives Matter" but everyone else is a "racist". Was I offended though? Nope. I'm getting used to it. 

I saw my Facebook feed was inundated with videos of people saying they were "waging war on cops" but no one dared saying anything for fear of "violating their freedom of speech". But I wasn't offended. It's just an average day. 

I looked around and saw a nation where the government welcomes illegal immigration and encourages those people to seek welfare and Medicaid while forcing those working to pay more for health care. Was I appalled? Not really. 

When I get deported for not caring which drunken, drug addled celebrity cheated on whom...please send me somewhere that has lasagna. I try real hard to get upset over every trivial news story because I understand it can be spun to serve any racial or religious agenda as suits whichever side's needs. I just can't bring myself to do it. Maybe I'm just too concerned with taking care of my own family. I can try to watch more Jerry Springer, news channels or other of the sideshows on tv that's only interested in ratings. But I doubt I'll get upset just because every else's views aren't exactly like mine.

See, I wasn't offended by any of these things. Why not? Because I've come to expect them. Just as I've come to expect there to be a daily campaign about something offending us in America. The very fact I'm not offended on a daily basis is what I think I'll get deported for. 

It's the new American standard. Someone says something that hurts your feelings? They're a bully. Is what they said true? Immaterial. So what should we do? Start an "anti bullying" campaign. Practice "freedom of speech"...so long as you only say the things that are on the approved list. It's ok to be offended that someone called your kid ugly. Maybe they're just honest? I mean, what if your kid looks like a troll and a badger crossbred? Everyone has flaws. We are apex predators, we prey on the weak. Toughen up. 

It's unAmerican to not be offended by something daily. It's unAmerican to be able to just change the channel or close a website. If you're a Christian and celebrate Christmas it's now unAmerican to say "Merry Christmas" as is your religious belief because you might offend a Muslim's or atheists' ears. Because their freedom of religion is more important than yours. That's the American way. We don't worry about the majority because we don't want to offend the minority. 

But me? I'm not offended by that. I just take it in stride. I know that violates the new rules we've established but I'm ok with that too. Why? Because I'm tired of being offended. I'm hoping it catches on some day and an increasing number of people quit being offended. I don't want change to not happen. Change can be good. It can show growth. But, maybe, I'm viewed as unAmerican because I don't view a country collapsing in on itself as "growth". I don't believe that a country who wants so much "tolerance" and "diversity" can stand if it keeps weakening its values and society in an effort to make sure no one gets their feelings hurt. 

I suppose it's an unAmerican way of thinking that it's completely unrealistic to please everyone. That sometimes you're going to get your feelings hurt or be held accountable for yourself. That a nation with a growing number of people living off handouts won't support itself for long. More importantly, it's positively unpatriotic to believe that a nation run by extremely wealthy politicians deciding what's best for the working class becomes a roller coaster of chaos and ruin. 

It's also unAmerican to point out that maybe, just maybe if people spent less time worrying about how messed up everyone else's lives and decisions are and spent more time worrying about their own there'd be less and less to offend everyone. 

I wonder where they'll send me. I don't think they'd send me somewhere there's a chance I'd take over. Hopefully there will be pizza where they send me though. If I'm gonna get exiled I want pizza. Or lasagna. I've been learning Italian lately. Fingers crossed. 

"Cop Out"

Ok, we all know that I vent about the  rampant idiocy in this country. The laziness, entitlement and general lunacy I keep seeing just generally pisses me off. It's like common sense has been bred out of humans. What's got my ire today? I'm glad you asked. 

I recently read an article so rife with stupidity that I had to check it on Snopes and double check other sites to make sure this was real. So here's the general story and my thoughts on it. Ready? It'll be fun. 

So in the Richland township in Michigan an officer got into a domestic dispute. He was drunk and fired his gun at his house. Now I don't know if they just mean he was at home and fired his gun or if he actually took a shot at his house. I suppose if he was drunk enough he may have thought it was attacking him. I know I got into many battles with door frames and the floor back in my drinking days. Several times I lost and a refrigerator door kicked my ass. 

Was that enough to warrant trying to wound a home? Dunno but I'm willing to allow for a "self defense" case against a violent piece of architectural malice. 

When the police were called he evidently threatened his buddies saying he would shoot whoever responded. Now, legally, just saying "I'll shoot you" isn't enough to consider a threat. UNLESS they have the means to carry out said threat. Well we already know he was armed. That makes that a credible threat. Since no charges were ever filed against him then I'd say the local police were giving him a pass. Me? I'd have locked him up on the charge of "general asshattery" but I wasn't consulted. 

Did he at least get fired for having questionable decision making abilities in a job that requires good morals? Nope. They didn't fire him but they didn't allow him to return to work. 

So what's this guy do? He sues the township saying he "may have suffered post traumatic stress disorder." Seriously?! Dude. This is not PTSD, it's a hangover and regretting the choices you made while you were drunk. 

Listen folks, the term "coyote ugly" came from people waking up sober and seeing the person they had drunk sex with. "I'd rather chew my arm off like a coyote than wake up this cock-eyed water buffalo next to me." We've all been there. Some of us more than once (or five or six times. Don't judge me, I drank a lot) and can relate to that "oh dear lord, what have I DONE?!" feeling the next day. It happens. 

If we could claim PTSD from sobering up and realizing that we did some really bone-headed shit the night before then just about everyone of legal (I threw "legal" in there like we haven't all gotten wasted well before the legal drinking age. Pfft) drinking age have suffered traumatically. Why do you think prohibition came about? Because we ALL do stupid shit when we are drunk. That's WHY we drink, so we can excuse our own fucktardery. Duh. 

What's worse is that he won. Yes, you read that right. The township settled with him to the tune of $437,000. On the advice of the township's legal counsel. Seriously?! The town's attorney thought that was the better option than letting it go to trial? 

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, please take this bottle of Grey Goose or Patron home with you. Some of you may need a bottle of each. Go home, get fitshaced and come back tomorrow. We will keep the lights dim and speak quietly tomorrow for you."

Then next day the case would end quickly. "Your honor, the plaintiff is an idiot, he's wasting your time and our money. Please dismiss this case and let us all go home. If not then let the jury hand down a verdict of 'denied' so those poor drunk bastards can all go home and nurse their hangovers. Oh, and Mr Harroway, the folks at the hardware store said they found your underwear. Apparently you hung them on an axe handle and tried to claim aisle three as your sovereign territory."

Instead, the taxpayers of that town in Michigan are forced to reward a police officer's moral turpitude with their own hard earned money. Absolute bullshit. 

Oh, and in the settlement, should anyone seek a work reference for this guy the city is required to give a "neutral recommendation." He can't handle his liquor or his temper and everyone pays for it but him. As long as we continue to allow this type of injustice then our country will continue its downward spiral. 

Here's the link: 

http://www.mlive.com/news/saginaw/index.ssf/2015/12/township_to_pay_437k_in_settlem.html

"The Prose of Cons"

Shortly after starting my blog I downloaded this "Hangouts" app. For the most part, though, all that app does is Hangout on the back page of my phone and leave me be. Let's face it, these type of apps are really nothing more than online meat markets. "Hey, let's meet up..." Blah blah blah. 

Granted, occasionally I'll get a message from someone about publishing or asking for advice but that's less often. Mostly it seems to be just messages from people who think it's a dating service. Or worse. Such as days like yesterday. Yesterday I think I was being interviewed for a book. I can't wait to read it, I bet it's called "Mind of a Madman" or something like that. Although, on second thought, it may have just been someone trying to con me. Either way, I took the time to copy and paste most of the conversation for you guys so you could decide. 

Now, to set the tone here I think it's prudent to let you know that this person, Julian Scotte, added me on google plus then started messaging me an hour after adding me. I'd never heard of her before. But now all of you folks have. 

J.S. : Hello how are you?

Me: fine. And you?

J. : great day

Me: Excellent!

J: where are you from

I'm from santa teresa

Me: I live in Florida. 

J: and how old ??

Me: 43

J: I see

I'm 30

single never married

and you?

Me: Twice divorced. My girlfriend is about your age.

(See, I try to make my relationship status quite clear from the beginning. As I've said before, it's a respect thing. Plus it reduces any miscommunication that I may be available. Because, let's face it, I'm a pretty not terrible catch.)

J: I see

so how is life

what do you do for living?

Me: Same ole same ole.

I'm guessing you don't keep up with my blog posts. 

J: I work as an engineer and consultant in the oil and gas sector

Me: Well I bet that pays quite well!

J: how you mean

Me: Well, in my posts I talk about my job, my girlfriend, stuff about my kids and life in Florida.

Your questions indicate you don't read my posts and haven't viewed my profile page or you'd know these things.

J: i've been very busy with work and out of the country

hope life is good with you and how is it with you family?

(So you randomly added me and messaged me to ask how my family is doing without even looking at my profile to see if I had family?) 

Me: It's been going really well! The boys are getting ready to start college, my current wife doesn't know I'm cheating on her with the groomer and I recently got an email from a bank about unclaimed money that's owed to me. I'm about to send them my social security number when I Western Union them the $2,500 fee for processing. I'm gonna be RICH!!

(Clearly I figured at this point that I'd start having a little fun. I was bored. Obviously, I'm not married. Nor are my elementary school kids entering college and we've all gotten that email before, haven't we? Or one like it)

J: Wow thats great

how much is your profit from that?

Me: According to the email it's $2.3 million. Some relative I never even knew about listed me as the only heir.

I'm gonna use the money to buy a hover board and start collecting My Little Pony figurines. I think they'll increase in value and be a great investment.

J: thats quite interesting

sound profiting

can i know more about this

if you give the $14,000 they gonna give a lot more money than 2.3million?

I'm really interest in this and I will like us to work this toward and make more money if you dont mind that am a woman

(Sure, if I pay my "dead relative" more money then they'll just increase my inheritance. No, I don't mind that you want to be my accountant. Thanks for stepping in and saving me from myself.) 

Me: Sure! It's exciting stuff!

I've just gotta send them my bank account number, passwords and social security number and they'll directly deposit the money.

Since it's from England it'll be deposited in krugerands

(I would later laugh at the irony of telling her the British bank is paying me in krugerands.)

J: so you give the $2,500 and they transfer the sum of 2.3million to your account?

we can send more money to them like 14,000 which i swill raise and let see how much they will give back for that?

or what do you think?

Me: I can ask. Maybe they left me more money. Or I can see if they can pawn the house. Apparently it's worth some money.

It's a big house next door to some place called Buckingham

(Buckingham. The house is next to Buckingham Palace. Can you see me being neighbors with the royals?)

J: i want us to do this together okay

Listen I have a better offer

Me: Oh? A better offer? Awesome!

J: we can work together into and after we're able to raise the money to send and must have gotten the money we can share together

i like you to make me part of this deal

Me: Sure!

J: do your wife and girlfriend know about this?

Me: No. I was going to keep it and use it to get away. Florida is too cold for my taste

J: you can move to new mexico

but mean while can I trust you?

Me: Possibly. I really like burritos so New Mexico could work.

Of course you can trust me. I'm a very honest person and I can keep secrets. Most of the time. Unless I'm drunk.

J: I see

I own my home in new mexico but presently I'm having some issues and difficulties if i may put it that way

Me: Oh no. That's terrible news!

J: Actually I'm presently in West Africa where I'm working on some contract with one of the biggest oil and gas company Opec

They had burst and vanadalised pipelines which reportedly cause lickagages and explosion in theirmplant station

(Lickagages. Why does that sound like some sapphic porn title? I'll have to check my library for that one.)

Me: Exciting stuff!

I thought about investing in crude kerosene. I heard that when they refine it into propane the profits are crazy good

(Let that sink in: crude kerosene. So this person works in the petroleum industry? They often convert petroleum products into a natural gas found in shale?) 

J: Yes thats real true its a big margine profit

the terrorism attack on their soil has destroyed alot in their enconomy

Me: I bet! Terrorismists are bad people

(Terrorismists? Look, I created a new word. Someone call Webster's)

J: heartless people i must confess

are you a christian?

Me: One of them, yes

J: I'm a catholic

i see

Like i said I'm presently having an inconvinency in my house in New mexico

which am having problems in resolving the issue

(Here there was a 20 minute delay as I was on the phone dealing with actual work. Until I get my millions I'm stuck working.)

are you stilll there?

Me: Yes. Sorry. I was on the phone with vet's office. My pet salamander passed away the other day and I was making funeral arrangements.

(Poor Sammy. If I ever get a pet Salamander I'm definitely gonna name it Sammy now)

J: its okay

i was just wondering why i wasnt getting any message from you

am sory to hear about salamander

Me: We had to work out burial plans for Sammy. Then he was telling me about a website where I could order unicorn eggs. I like to collect things.

(Unicorn eggs. No, I have no idea where that came from. Sometimes I'm tempted to drug test myself) 

J: I just need an assistance out of this problem and I promise to pay back in a short time

Me: I don't know...I only just met you

J: I will so much appreciate if you help me out with this and as soon as i can resolve the issue with the taxt and mortgage the loan company can verify the collateral being the house

Me: I wouldn't be able to buy as many My Little Pony figurines though.

Unless I get them and just don't get the hover board

J: The total cost of the mortage and tax is about $6,550 I had to send the sum of $4,680 the very day i got the information from my maid

From there I got busy and wasn't able to respond much.  Since then I got a few messages the next day telling me how she had been counting on me. 

It's terrible that I let someone down I reckon. But, in my defense, I'd just lost a long lost relative I didn't know I had AND my dear pet. I had a lot to deal with. I don't think it was unfair to ask for time to grieve.