"Citizen Ex.."

There's a good chance I'll be getting deported soon. Part of me thinks it'll suck, the other part fully understands. I'm fairly sure getting deported will hamper my bid for Presidency in 2020 though. I think that violates the conditions for running. For now at least. 

Some of you are probably shocked right now thinking "dear god, what's he done NOW?!"  Don't worry though, I've not broken any laws that are on the books just yet. It's the "unspoken rules" I've violated.  

See, I woke up this morning and checked my google+ account and Facebook just as I normally do. And that's when it hit me. I realized I wasn't offended by anything I saw. How unAmerican. Positively unpatriotic of me, not being up in arms over anything. 

I saw posts about a Muslim who feels discriminated against because her job required her to serve alcohol. Even though that was a job requirement when she took the job. Rather than just finding a job that fits her beliefs she felt the company should conform to her. So she's suing the airline for being upset that she won't do the job she was hired to do. 

Did that offend me? Nope. Par for the course here in the U.S. of A. If you don't want to do something, just cry "discrimination" and the country will flock to your side and demand an apology. Common sense just goes out the window in the interest of being the "happy feelings" country. 

I saw videos where people were protesting a violent criminal's death by breaking the law. Was I shocked? Not even a little. It's a well known fact we Americans should be able to break the law without risk of the police hampering our efforts. In fact...

I read where our President sent people and condolences to the thug's funeral and claimed we have a "police brutality" issue but neglected that we have a "violent thugs getting what's coming to them" issue. Which is really the larger problem. 

The same President who had a noted absence at any funerals for murdered police officers. Because this is America. "Home of the Free"... To live off society, rob, and riot. Where "Black Lives Matter" but everyone else is a "racist". Was I offended though? Nope. I'm getting used to it. 

I saw my Facebook feed was inundated with videos of people saying they were "waging war on cops" but no one dared saying anything for fear of "violating their freedom of speech". But I wasn't offended. It's just an average day. 

I looked around and saw a nation where the government welcomes illegal immigration and encourages those people to seek welfare and Medicaid while forcing those working to pay more for health care. Was I appalled? Not really. 

When I get deported for not caring which drunken, drug addled celebrity cheated on whom...please send me somewhere that has lasagna. I try real hard to get upset over every trivial news story because I understand it can be spun to serve any racial or religious agenda as suits whichever side's needs. I just can't bring myself to do it. Maybe I'm just too concerned with taking care of my own family. I can try to watch more Jerry Springer, news channels or other of the sideshows on tv that's only interested in ratings. But I doubt I'll get upset just because every else's views aren't exactly like mine.

See, I wasn't offended by any of these things. Why not? Because I've come to expect them. Just as I've come to expect there to be a daily campaign about something offending us in America. The very fact I'm not offended on a daily basis is what I think I'll get deported for. 

It's the new American standard. Someone says something that hurts your feelings? They're a bully. Is what they said true? Immaterial. So what should we do? Start an "anti bullying" campaign. Practice "freedom of speech"...so long as you only say the things that are on the approved list. It's ok to be offended that someone called your kid ugly. Maybe they're just honest? I mean, what if your kid looks like a troll and a badger crossbred? Everyone has flaws. We are apex predators, we prey on the weak. Toughen up. 

It's unAmerican to not be offended by something daily. It's unAmerican to be able to just change the channel or close a website. If you're a Christian and celebrate Christmas it's now unAmerican to say "Merry Christmas" as is your religious belief because you might offend a Muslim's or atheists' ears. Because their freedom of religion is more important than yours. That's the American way. We don't worry about the majority because we don't want to offend the minority. 

But me? I'm not offended by that. I just take it in stride. I know that violates the new rules we've established but I'm ok with that too. Why? Because I'm tired of being offended. I'm hoping it catches on some day and an increasing number of people quit being offended. I don't want change to not happen. Change can be good. It can show growth. But, maybe, I'm viewed as unAmerican because I don't view a country collapsing in on itself as "growth". I don't believe that a country who wants so much "tolerance" and "diversity" can stand if it keeps weakening its values and society in an effort to make sure no one gets their feelings hurt. 

I suppose it's an unAmerican way of thinking that it's completely unrealistic to please everyone. That sometimes you're going to get your feelings hurt or be held accountable for yourself. That a nation with a growing number of people living off handouts won't support itself for long. More importantly, it's positively unpatriotic to believe that a nation run by extremely wealthy politicians deciding what's best for the working class becomes a roller coaster of chaos and ruin. 

It's also unAmerican to point out that maybe, just maybe if people spent less time worrying about how messed up everyone else's lives and decisions are and spent more time worrying about their own there'd be less and less to offend everyone. 

I wonder where they'll send me. I don't think they'd send me somewhere there's a chance I'd take over. Hopefully there will be pizza where they send me though. If I'm gonna get exiled I want pizza. Or lasagna. I've been learning Italian lately. Fingers crossed. 

"Announcing My Candidacy"

Not long ago I had one of my readers say something about me using "feed the fat kids less, feed the starving kids more" as a "plank on my platform to win the republican primaries". That got me thinking about things. What if I COULD run for president? Where would I stand on issues? How long before someone on my security detail got tired of me and killed me? Or would it be more like they just cleared a path for someone else to assassinate me? I'm guessing the latter. It'd be stupid to give up their retirement benefits. 

Now, granted, most people that know me, have met me, or even just read my blog would probably die laughing at the thought of me in the White House. I'm too outspoken. Plus, I'm not a good people person. But that didn't stop me picturing how things would go down. Here's about how I see it:

First off, you're talking about a job that politicians spends tens of millions of dollars to get even though the salary is less than a million a year. So there must be some HUGE "side deals" going on. Looking at the current administration I can't help but think so since it seems our country is being sold out from under us. So the first hiccup is buying my way in. I'd be the first candidate to run who essentially xeroxed his campaign fliers from crayon drawn originals. 

No big commercials or billboards for me, thank you. I'm too cheap. How about I just run a Facebook page "Christian for President"? Oh yeah, Facebook still hates me. Well, maybe I'd just create a meme and try to circulate that. Something like a picture of a gorilla saying "Go ape, vote for Christian. He's bananas enough to run." 

Next up, I'd have to campaign. Seems simple, I already drive around the country. Hey, wait. I could get magnetic signs and put them on the sides of my trailer. Damn, I'm getting the hang of this already! So I get paid to drive to a big city and try to call reporters to start my campaign trail. I don't have the money to buy the media so I'd have to call in to the TV station and tell them there's a jumper on a roof. All my campaign speeches would be from rooftops I reckon. Boy, I'm quick with this problem solving stuff. Just making it up as I type. 

"But where do you stand on the issues?" I know that's a question that'll get asked a lot. So I'd better start thinking. Hhmm...

Gun control: don't shoot yourself or anyone else. Don't like guns? Don't buy one. Gun control won't stop crime. Ask the people of New York City or Chicago. Those are "gun free" zones. I mean, we could ask the criminally minded people to not own guns but I don't think they'll just hand them over. 

"Police brutality"? Don't break the law and you're less likely to interact with the police in a negative fashion. Seems pretty simple to me. Any cops proven to abuse their power, don't suspend them with pay, fire them. That's what you do with people who aren't fit to handle responsibility, you tell them to find a job they're better suited for. 

Welfare? Simple. Put time limits on how long people can ride that system. It's not a career path. I've discussed that before. It's assistance, not a retirement plan. 

Veterans: they've served their country so let's get our act together and let the country return that service. How is this a difficult concept? People who have done absolutely nothing for this country get welfare, food stamps and Medicaid but the people who risk life and limb to defend them die while waiting on benefits? Pfft...redirect that welfare money and medical benefits. If anyone deserves a free ride it's the veterans. 

Illegal immigration: first word, "illegal". What's the question? Illegal means "not legal". Why would we give people who break the law amnesty? That's just stupid. Want to come here legally? Awesome. Let's make it simpler and easier for them. Serve 4-6 years in the military. You love this country enough to fight for it, you get to be a citizen. "Welcome to America, here's your uniform. Boot Camp starts tomorrow so you'd better learn English quickly." Hell, they'd even learn the language AND get job skills. I don't see how this has never been suggested before. 

This Planned Parenthood stuff? Well, it sucks that what happened happened. I say we make birth control and stuff easier to obtain. Less people breeding means less people potentially living off welfare. However, I don't believe abortion should be used as a form of birth control. You wanna have the fun unprotected, know that there are consequences. That means you'd better be prepared to be a parent. That's part of the problem with our society, we've established a country where people don't have to take responsibility for themselves. 

Flag burning/stomping? Don't like the U.S. Flag? Here's a ticket to Mexico or Central America. We will swap you for the ones fighting to get here. Fair trade. 

And there's these Black Lives Matter people interrupting speeches and stuff. Yeah yeah, how about ALL Lives Matter? Don't scream racism while claiming only people of one skin color matter. That's the very definition of hypocrite. How about we all just learn to get along? We can start by not separating by color. I thought we established that in the 60's. 

Oh, and let's not forget foreign aid and foreign affairs. This seems a popular question. So I'll give it a shot....what part of America is that? We have homeless, starving, and miserable people on our own soil we can't take care of. Tell ya what, how about we fix US before we worry about fixing everyone else? That's half our problem, we're too worried about policing the rest of the world and sending them money while we are busted and broke over here. "How much money can you send us over here in _____ ?" None, dumbass, we can barely pay our OWN bills. We can help you after we get out of debt but we can't get out of debt paying YOUR bills too. 

I'd like to add an addendum to my campaign speech....

I think it'd be cheaper to get rid of Obamacare AND welfare and just give everyone $1.5 million dollars. Then they could pay for medical care and food themselves. We'd save a ton of money in the budget and the IRS would eventually just tax it all back away from them anyway. 

But, before they did, everyone would have gotten the medical/dental care they needed and they'd be fed. 

Would I win any votes? Hell no. An election? Pfft. I wouldn't even win any friends. I'd make a lot of enemies in the political world. There's even a good chance I'd get locked away in an asylum. Probably not the Sane Asylum but I kinda think I'd have fun finger painting anyway. The meds would be free and maybe, just maybe, while I'm in there someone on the outside may start to think "hhmm, logic. Maybe that COULD be good for us eventually". 

Now, if any of you folks are as crazy sane as I am and you wanna see some fun politicking by a snarky, sarcastic guy and get this campaign rolling...show me where to sign up. What've I got to lose?