"The Calm"

Clouds of despair growing ominous and dark

Turning your sunny disposition into one of sadness

As a lifetime of bad decisions strike their mark

Voices of negativity thundering into madness

You feel the downpour beating you down by the minute

Flooding you and washing your self confidence away

You're fighting the storm but you're caught up in it

The tempestuousness of life overwhelming every day

The storm clouds of life will consume you if you let them

But you can turn to the shelter of my arms when they form

For we can weather this life together my friend 

And rejoice in the calm that always follows that storm 

"Midnight"

Alone in the dark I play with my imagination. 

I wander alone and feed my nightmare.

Just another beast of my own creation. 

I make sure she's well kept and treated with care. 

I even sometimes let her loose in my field of screams. 

She runs and plays among amber waves of pain. 

Then I saddle up and together we wreck my wildest dreams.

As we race, her hooves beat the ground like a terror train. 

Picking up speed as we chase down every Happily Never After 

Moving ever faster I brace for the leap over the Damned Canyon

The screams of agony are to us nothing but musical laughter

As we ride through my memories and torment with reckless abandon

"Broken Halo"

I want to be perfect, I want to be exactly like you. 

I'm working on it but I may not have what it takes

I'm still trying to learn how to steal, cheat and lie too. 

Trying to figure out how to only point out mistakes

It's harder than you make it look, I'll say that much

I tried to lie yesterday but it came out all wrong 

I ended up being honest again, accidentally nice and such 

Don't worry, I'll catch on, it shouldn't take long

As I held up your halo and taped the broken pieces you'd smile

But I'm that demon that says what others only think 

Pursuing perfection as you ignore your flaws all the while

Elevating yourself on the backs of those on the brink

Your cracks not visible to those you keep at a distance

Your hypocrisy shines through when you spread your broken wings

Pushing your own agenda and mocking resistance

You push reality away to avoid the truth it brings

Behind the curtain you reveal your second face 

Forever contradicting your own claimed belief

Disappearing into your own condescension without a trace

Your perfection is nothing more than a hollow shell

Yet we weak would swoon on your every word

Believing in all those lies that you tell so well

You believe them yourself no matter how absurd

But I'll no longer take part in your masquerade

My knee won't bend to give you any more praise

I'll not continue to play along in this endless charade

Nor am I impressed anymore by your operatic displays

So sit in judgement of me if you will

I'm not worried about your crooked finger pointing

Your double talk or your laughter so shrill

The words from your forked tongue are silent

And I'm immune to your empty charm

As I look back on your actions I'm filled with regret 

Knowing you've done far less good than harm

I watch as you adjust your halo before walking out

Back into the world you go to mock them again

You turn before I have a chance to scream and shout

That you're a "Saint" dripping with sin

No one's savior not even your own

You ignore my words and your shattered halo

You refuse to see the truth that you've been shown

But I can see past the mask to the monster below

Some day I'll finally get through to you and you'll see

But for now I'm nothing more than another mistake 

The one you once bared your soul and heart to

Just someone else whose love you could forsake

I'm just wreckage in the wake that was love for you. 

"Demons At Play"

I calmly sit there and nurture and care

Until I finally get to lay my fears to rest

Then I quietly tiptoe up that twisted stair 

From the darkest parts of my mind

Being cautious not to wake them again

Lest they strangle my dreams once more

I tried to silence the madness but then

I heard them clawing and opening the door

They won't leave me be until I'm scared

To sleep at night or fear the dark

It causes my thinking to become impaired

As my fears wake up and leave their mark

For they feed the others and make them strong

The ones who can haunt me during the day

They blur the lines between right and wrong

When my demons awake and come out to play

Those demons don't live in black and white

To them all the rules are simply grey

They torment in the day as much as night 

For they don't fear the light of day

They torture my soul and twist my mind

As I become nothing but a puppet to them

I grow weaker from each horror they find

And my soul becomes their kingdom 

It's just another sleepless night for me

Now that the demons are at play again

For a few brief months I thought I was free

But now I know they'll never let me win

So it seems I have no choice but embrace 

The darkness that consumes each thought 

As my nightmares become my happy place

I give over to the insanity my demons sought. 

"Throwing The Book At You"

Well, for those of you who've been keeping up, I finally did it. When I first started out with this internet stuff I was posting poems. Most of them are a little dark and twisted, much like my mind. Some are a little more..."sugary".

As I mentioned on here, I was asked to submit some to a book that was being published. Well it's that time. The book has officially been listed on Nook. Or Barnes and Noble or something like that. It's one of those "ebooks" I guess they call them. 

I've not read it yet because I can't figure out how to print up a copy. Let's face it, I'm not tech savvy at all. I know it's got about 8 or 9 of my poems in it though. So here I am shamelessly self-promoting because I can't afford a marketing team. I reckon that means I've gotta get you guys to recommend it to friends or whatnot. 

Some of you guys have asked me before about publishing a collection of my work. You guys are twisted like that and I love that about you. So, we will consider this a "trial run". If this little ebook thing does well enough then I'll be publishing my complete collection. (Once I figure out how). That one will include some as yet unreleased writings. 

So I'm including a link below to where you can find this book. The cover photo is mine so no copyrights were infringed upon. I hope you guys enjoy it, review it or whatever else people are supposed to do with ebooks. I welcome your feedback so I know what to do or not do next time. You're also welcome to contact me directly at groglovefire@gmail.com.  It's priced at $3.00 so I've gotta sell like a half million copies (do they call them "copies" for Internet books?) to make enough money to buy some lunch next week. 

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/words-from-the-heart-christian-touchet/1123479264;jsessionid=87DB5065F90C0B4F7DD10DF592DC14B1.prodny_store01-atgap06?ean=2940157687496

"The Anniversary"

Ok, so I started this goofy little blog about a year ago. It was all just on a lark, really. I'd had a few friends who tried to encourage me to publish what I call my "rhymy word things" and a blog seemed a good stepping stone.

Since then my page turned into rants about society, little excerpts of my life and tales of Grog, my alter ego/caveman brain. I've enjoyed writing these posts and I've enjoyed the feedback I've received from you guys. Thank you for your support. 

Since this is like some "first anniversary" I figured I'd go back to my roots for a bit. I've had some readers recently ask if I still write poetry and I've even been contacted about co-authoring (or co-publishing or whatever that's called) a book of poems. 

In a few months I may even publish (after a year of talk) my own collection for those of you twisted enough to like my poetry. (Wow, I keep referring to it as "poetry" which sounds weird to me). 

Anyway, this long introduction was really just about plugging a soon-to-publish book or two and to explain why I suddenly decided to post a poem again. Who knows, maybe I'll just post a random one sometimes when I'm too lazy to write an actual blog post. 

I can't imagine any of you aren't familiar with this story but I figured I'd offer my spin on it:

"The Man of Tin"

We took a trip down that road paved in yellow gold

Through poppy fields and their sleeping curse

Into the City where we'd find the answers we were told

I can't decide which part of the journey was the worst

There were angry trees and monkeys who could fly

A witch who was ruthless, cold and mean 

There were a couple times we thought we would die

But the girl kept thinking an end of a rainbow could be seen

So we kept moving forward until we finally got here

"The great wizard", they said, "would fix things for you."

Then you laughed, you pointed and only your ridicule was sincere

Saying you'd help us only if this one task we'd do

"Kill the witch and bring me her magic broom"

You said it like it was it was just an everyday chore

So off we went to her castle and snuck into her room

We soaked her with water and she is no more

You may fool the scarecrow and lion but not this man of tin

Hiding behind your curtain you think you can judge us all

You sent us away not expecting us to come back again

But we surprised you and it was the witch not us to fall

The scarecrow, that brainless fool, you could outsmart

He couldn't see that you were nothing more than a fake

And fell for your smoke and mirrors from the very start

You had no intellect to give and only trust to take 

The lion, he lacked both courage and conviction

So he was easy for you to take advantage of

He came to you asking that you cure his cowardly affliction

So you pretended he was brave for the sake of love

The girl and her dog were lost, this much is true

And in your balloon you could've offered them passage home

But when it came time you claimed there wasn't room for two 

So you tried to float away, leaving her feeling all alone

But I'm that Tin man whose heart is black as coal

So I'll burn your Emerald City down with laughter in my eyes

As I shoot you down and show them a Wizard was only a role

For all your parlor tricks you have no magic, only lies

*I feel I should mention here that I know I left 2 elements out. So I can address them if you'd like. 

A) the Munchkins. Yes, they pointed the girl in the right direction. But they also knew she was alone in a strange land with a trip in front of her that was going to take several days. You'd think they'd have packed her a little lunch or something. 

Those midgets essentially kicked her out of their village after a song and dance and sent her into the woods to starve to death. 

B) then there's this "good witch" Glenda. She knows the girl just wants to go home but waits until AFTER she's nearly killed several times to go "yeah, you could've gone home right after you get here." Seriously?! How good IS this witch? She watches Dorothy and the gang go through all of this stuff and smiles when she tells Dorothy she had the ability to leave all along. Glenda sounds like a sadist to me; I'm not sure how "good" I would call her. 

"Sleep Sound"

As the shadows slowly creep in I know I'll not sleep tonight

The demons in my mind are already welcoming that dark

And I know that I'll be left to lay here and control my fright

As I wait for those echoing voices to leave their mark

They'll destroy, plunder and ravage my mind

As they ride their nightmares and spread doubt

Taking up residence in every memory they find

And I'll be slowly dying inside while busy living without 

They visit me regularly, these horsemen of horror

Bringing with them this  hell of nightmarish pestilence 

Feeding on my self doubt and screams of terror

I learned long ago that they grow stronger with resistance 

For with every night I refuse to sleep it only gets worse

It's been two days and I can feel my will grow weak

Your sleep is relaxing and healing but mine is a curse

Because my eventual insanity is the reward the demons seek

"Blizzard Inside"

Feels like I'm never going to make it through this alive 

I want to but I'm already dying inside

Another cold day in December

And I wonder, does she remember 

Lost in the freezing cold of my memory and I wonder, does she ever think of me

As I drive through the freezing rain 

I hope this cold can numb the pain

As I push on and ignore the blizzard outside

I'm trapped by the memories I can't hide

Winter rages on into January's new year

But there's no "auld lang syne" for me here

Praying that the thaw of another spring

Can help me make it through this thing

This torment, this hell I've placed myself in

And let me learn to let go and live again

While I watch another snowflake fall

I question why we bother to love at all

A feeling as discordant as Crimson on snow

When you want to hang on while they let go

Every time I think I've finally let go and surrender

I find myself wondering, does she? Does she remember me? 

"Dance With Me"

She said "I need saving. I need a hero; I need a knight.

A savior in armor to defend me from the horrors about. 

With a strong horse, sword at the ready; a paladin in white.

A dream warrior strong, noble and stout."

They're all gone now, the Prince Charmings; the heroes. 

The terrors that plague the earth are our own inner fear

There is no armour made to save against love's throes

I've got my scars to protect me from you my dear

Unicorns will run you through if you expose your heart

Damsels in distress will eat your soul to feed themselves

So the Knights ran in a panic from the very start

Tunics, swords, armor and lance left to rust upon the shelves

As we walk that valley of death and take a chance

For living in fear of love isn't living at all 

Yes, I would still waltz to that poisonous dance

Knowing in the end it's love, not life, that'll be my downfall. 

"I Am"

I am that shadow of doubt flickering in the back of your mind

I am that chill that runs up and down your spine late at night

When you look under the bed I'm that thing you're afraid to find

That noise in the dark and that movement just out of sight

The thing in your closet with eyes glowing red

The voice in your head that plays hide and seek with your sanity

The one definable moment that fills you with dread

I'm that scratching at night that brings out your lunacy

I'm around every corner and in every dark alley

Riding through your nightmares and making you scream

I'm your doubt, your fears and your bitter reality

Merrily merrily your wasted life is but my dream

"No More"

The shadows creep in and overtake the moonlight 

As the glow slowly fades I can hear them calling

Whispering my name again on the edge of night 

I feel myself on the edge of terror and falling

No chute to slow my descent into icy madness 

I careen towards the frozen black abyss of my mind

All the while feeling the dementia growing with sadness

My own illusion of sanity becoming hard to find

As I succumb to the eerie stillness buried within 

The whispers that plagued me turn to screams

As the darkness consumes me once again

And I know my demons will haunt my dreams

Ever present, I can sometimes hold them at bay

Winning the occasional battle as I lose the war 

They're overtaking me a little more with each day

Already I'm beginning to feel that I exist no more 

"Perspective is Infinite/The Kiss Revisited"

I've never actually posted an explanation for any of my poems, I don't think. As my girlfriend has pointed out to me about several of my pieces, "art is subjective". Indeed it is. However, I never realized, until recently, how open my stuff was to interpretation. 

I recently posted a poem entitled "The Kiss", which was well-received. I had several people comment on it and say very kind words. For that I thank you. I've received many comments on this piece from other writing communities I'm in aside from my blog.

It seems this poem has been interpreted as a bittersweet love poem. Several people expressed empathy for me because of that. I thank you for that. 

However, this time I feel compelled to share with you a response I wrote to one of my readers. For ease of use I've also pasted here that same poem again. I do this so that you may reread it after this explanation and look at it from a different perspective. Hopefully you'll still like it. Ideally it'll touch some of you more deeply and you'll share the message I think it'll better convey after this explanation....

I know "art" is subjective and everyone interprets it a different way. What I found interesting, though, is that so far everyone has interpreted it as "this is about a girl". 

What makes that interesting to me is that that's not how it was intended. This was the final thoughts of someone dying from a drug overdose. 

You see, we all have our own "demons" to deal with. Some people turn to drugs to cope and slowly succumb to that darkness until it overtakes them. Personally, I've never had that issue but I thought this might be what runs through someone's mind as the light slowly left their eyes. This was initially titled "Slipping Away"....

        The Kiss

Once upon a time I was young, naive and  so alive

I was in love with the day and yearned for the night

Then came your kiss

A bitter cold like the air just before the first snows arrive

A sensation too intoxicating for me to fight

There was your kiss

Spoiling my innocence, purity and dreams 

Corrupting my soul and eroding my confidence

With that kiss

Stealing my breath and stifling my screams

Knowing full well that I have no means of defense

Against your kiss

Once was not enough and it draws me back for more

How do I escape this; how can I ever live again

Aching for that kiss

If only I'd known what evils you had in store

Or what hell would befall me for commission of my sin

For tasting Death's arsenic kiss

Christian Touchet

"The Kiss"

Once upon a time I was young, naive and  so alive

I was in love with the day and yearned for the night

Then came your kiss

A bitter cold like the air just before the first snows arrive

A sensation too intoxicating for me to fight

There was your kiss

Spoiling my innocence, purity and dreams 

Corrupting my soul and eroding my confidence

With that kiss

Stealing my breath and stifling my screams

Knowing full well that I have no means of defense

Against your kiss

Once was not enough and it draws me back for more

How do I escape this; how can I ever live again

Aching for that kiss

If only I'd known what evils you had in store

Or what hell would befall me for commission of my sin

For tasting Death's arsenic kiss

"Jellybeans"

Magical jelly beans? Can this really be for real? 

Sit back, have a few and I'll tell you the deal. 

You ask how they can be magic, you really want to know. 

Well of course they are. They make your heart and your smile grow. 

It takes magic seeds, planted by garden gnomes. 

Watered by fairies who live in dewdrop homes. 

The weeds are removed by unicorns and their magical horn. 

Sometimes a piece falls off. (That's called candy corn). 

They give you strength and make all your sickness leave. 

Every time you eat one you build up more magic I believe. 

That tasty goodness even dries tears, I've seen it myself. 

That's why it's so hard to keep the magic ones on the shelf. 

I grow some myself from seeds I got from a fairy prince. 

When I first met him he was just a frog on my fence. 

We sat under a toadstool and he told me the secret way back when. 

The secret, he said, is the jelly bean's magic comes from within. 

The magic is in you, you just have to set it free. 

And that's the story as it was told to me. 

"Inside"

Outside the snow falls as it desires

and the wind howls like a lonely wolf in the night. 

The chilly air rapidly overtaking the dying fire 

as the moon hangs in the sky, glowing bright. 

Wine glasses empty next to the discarded

carafe on that wooden table by the door. 

The two of us first started 

talking and it led to so much more. 

Pulses quickened and emotions grew stronger 

leading us to where they've always led in the past. 

Only this time we lasted longer 

and time stood still even though the hours went by fast. 

Sweaty and exhausted I now stand in the shower 

trying to replay the night's events in my mind. 

Left alone to think of the passion and power 

that I didn't know was even in me to find. 

I'm left with a memory of you 

that I know I'll never be able to forget. 

A wave of emotions anew 

but among them will there never be regret. 

I wanted to know you from the inside 

so I took you apart. 

I found the "you" you try to hide

and as a trophy I stole your heart. 

"Hypnotized"

Life is no Disney movie, it's no country song

It's more a comedy of errors shaped by your choices

Your "happily ever after" always goes wrong

Turned sideways by your thoughts, those inner voices

Everything's perfect then destroyed in a flash

You never see the end coming, you're too preoccupied

Look down at the radio, look up in time to crash

In an instant someone's hopes and dreams just died

Think you're wide awake while you're asleep at the wheel

Hypnotized by the night and you just blinked ten minutes

You wake to the sound of a horn and crumpling steel

Head on into a car with a family of four in it

Their lives are over and yours is changed forever

Somewhere in the distance a train runs off track

No matter your carefully laid plans, fate is more clever

You think you're in control until everything goes black

You're waiting til tomorrow to tell someone how much you care

Because you think your life will give you at least that long

You wake in the morning and the person you love isn't there

You waited a day but now they're dead and gone

See, we take each day for granted but all you're promised is yesterdays

We put off until tomorrow some things we probably shouldn't

Things like loving, caring and giving, these can be done so many ways

Take the time today to say what you feel, what if tomorrow you couldn't?

"Memorial Day"

This weekend is a holiday weekend. I want everyone to enjoy their freedom this weekend but remember why they can:    

As you stoke your fires and enjoy your drink

Make sure you take some time today to think 

Of those who sacrificed for you and your family

Those who served and gave it all for the military 

Defenders of our freedom, those bravest of souls 

Wearing courage like a badge and paying death's tolls

It's not about burgers and dogs on the grill

It's about those who died for our free will

At some point today raise your beer or tea glass

And salute those who died protecting your ass

The parents who mourn their child for our rights

The children who lost a parent fighting our fights

For those who gave everything for our security

Toast them today and let them not fade to obscurity

Remember those who had the heart and strength to serve

Bow your heads and give them the honor that they deserve. 

Christiantouchet.blogspot.com

"Grace"

I've seen the stars that light your eyes

I've shared your laughter and calmed your cries

Of pain of sorrow and the dreams you've had

It was I who brought back your smile when you were sad

And when you were weak I made you stronger

Tried to make your happiness last a little longer

When you felt that darkness overwhelming you

I was always there to help steer you through

When tears blurred your vision and life was rough

It was I who kept you going and made you tough

You never saw me; you never knew how you made it

Through the shadows, through the fog, until the darkness faded

When you need me I'll always be right here

Keeping you strong and vanquishing your fear

You wear my presence like a lucky charm

I'll always try to keep you safe from harm

I'll always be here and promise to never leave

I'll be your strength if only you dare to believe

I'm in everyone, behind every face

I am every person's saving grace

In case it wasn't clear from the lines above

I'm no person; I'm Faith I'm Hope I'm Love

"Missing You"

  I lay awake at night and think of you. Memories of you play out behind closed eyes. Only your loving embrace will ever do. The first sweet kiss caught me by surprise. Ever since I've longed for your gentle touch. I still see your smile while I'm asleep.  I never thought I'd miss you this much. Or that your caress could touch me so deep. I remember your warmth in our lovers embrace. The smell of your hair and taste of your lips. How you moved with such gentle grace. Scenes play in my mind like movie clips. Memories of a love we swore could never die. A love I did everything to try and save.  And now I sit here and can't help but cry. As I set another vase of flowers upon your grave.

"Mother's Day"

Swaddled in soft blankets of yellow, pink or blue

Newborn babies are laid upon their mother's chest

They've waited months til the day was due

Excited since the day they took that pregnancy test

Anxiously awaiting the arrival of that dear little one

Painting nurseries and picking out tiny clothes

Picturing in her mind her daughter or son

Picking out names for "little Billy" or "sweet baby Rose"

When the day finally came for their tiny arrival 

There was joy for she would finally be a mother 

A little bundle of love now depends on her for survival

She will guard you, protect you and love you like no other

She knows there will be stress and many a sleepless night

All worth it in the end as she watches the love of her life continue to grow

Dad will be lucky if she even lets the baby out of her sight

She heals scrapes and scratches with a band aid and kiss

Cry over our hurts right along with us 

Hold us tight on emotionally charged days like this

Proms, dances and weddings they raise such a loving fuss

Because when she was pregnant you were the reason for her glow

Moms loved their babies since before they were born

Today we celebrate the thing we should always say

It's a cloak of love and care we've all always worn

So not just on this occasion, every day is Happy Mother's Day