"Rippin and Roarin"

I'd heard about ab rollers and how effective they could be. Well, I'm not thrilled with my waistline so I figured I'd give in and buy one. Off I went to the store to get the solution to my one remaining problem area. 

There they were on the shelf. Two different models captured my attention. The first was basically just a training wheel with handles. Pretty straight forward design. It's definitely the "no frills" variety and therefore low priced. (What is a "frill" anyway?). 

The second model was a bit more high tech. It looked like a Dyson roller ball with form-fitted handles. It says on the box that it was designed by a Navy SEAL (I have a different theory I'll get into later) and using it will result in "ripped abs and sculpted arms". Another item we will discuss shortly. 

So I get that one, the high dollar one that offers "resistance on the way out and assistance on the way back". I get the device back to my truck and there's some assembly required. Nothing big, just put the handles on. I get it put together and notice the handles are labeled "L" and "R". How nifty. I try rolling it out and it's a no-go. So I open the instructions. 

Sure enough, with a 50/50 shot, I'd just put it together backwards. They labeled the handles because the whole thing has specific sides. Who knew? Boy, I'm off to a stellar start already. Now it's all put together, ready for tomorrow morning's first use. The maiden voyage and shit. 

I get up in the morning, pull out my yoga mat because I don't want my clothes or person in contact with the ground at truck stops. That's a whole new level of nasty. I fold the mat into a decent pad for my knees, grab the handles and I'm ready to start. Now, since I'm in shape (or so I thought until this wretched contraption came into my life) I figured I'd start off easy: 3 sets of 10. I'm all excited to get "ripped abs". 

Yeeeeah... 3 sets of 10 was a bit ambitious. After 1 set of 2 I was pretty sure I'd ripped my guts open. Oh, you'll get "ripped abs" alright. They just don't tell you you'll need to be stitched back up. And that "assistance" on the way up? I looked and there's no "Life Alert" button. There should be. After 2 reps I was half expecting an alien to finish popping out of my stomach like a stripper in a cake. I couldn't go anymore and figured maybe I'm just not used to it so I just laid there for an hour trying to figure out how to stand back up. 

I finally struggled to my feet, yoga mat in one hand, "ab destroyer" in the other. Knowing I couldn't handle lifting them into the truck I put them in my side box then contemplated the 2 steps up into my driver's seat. Maybe tomorrow would be better. 

Day two of my torture I get up, still a little sore, and determined "today is the day". I'll show that thing! So I get my mat and my ball o'death and set my mind to doing a few sets of at least 5. 

After the first one I'm already in pain. The second one isn't any easier and I'm hoping I can reach my phone to dial 911 if necessary. As I stretch out for the third one I'm thinking "so this is what a C section feels like without anesthesia?! Dear God, make the hurt stop!" Ok. Just one more and I'll take a break. I finish stretching out for number 4 and just let go of the handles and fall over. There's no return on this rep. Instead I just lay there for a bit, reconsidering my life choices. 

At this point I'm thinking I should just leave the mat and the cursed roller on the ground because just standing is looking nearly impossible. A Navy SEAL created this? I think not. I'm fairly certain it's a holdover from the Spanish Inquisition. I mumble and cuss as I put away my equipment and look at the steps to my truck wishing it came with an elevator. 

The whole time I'm driving I can feel my stomach. Rather than becoming steel I'm fairly certain I've made the muscles mush. But I keep telling myself it's worth it. By the time I'm done I'll have a flat, sexy stomach. Sure. 

That night I bend over to take take my shoes off and the pain from my exercise reminds me how human I am. I want to curl up in the fetal position but, thanks to my ab carver, I can't. 

Day three: I think I openly sobbed as I set out my yoga mat. With the way it's folded for padding it makes a convenient prayer mat. That's handy as I'm pretty sure I'm finding religion somewhere in these exercises. I've uttered "oh god" more than an overacting porn star. 

After the first one I start to draw a crowd while I'm screaming like a yeti caught in a bear trap. People are standing around watching as I start speaking in tongues. This thing should've come with a warning: "do not operate until you've bought a walker. You're gonna NEED one!" 

I'm 4 reps into it when I start to realize there's no one watching, I'm just lapsing into hallucinations brought on by pain. I'm thinking about random shit like "well, I guess I'll just be sleeping with my shoes on from now on. No way can I bend over to take them off or put them on ever again. They really should've put flip flops in the package with this damned thing." 

I'm laying in my bunk as I write this. My gear is still outside. I couldn't drag it with me as I crawled back into my truck. There's a good chance I'm going to just call off sick for the rest of the week while I heal. I can't even bear to walk into the truck stop because I'm sure I'm walking like I was just used as a piñata for a group of lowland gorillas. I don't have a washboard stomach yet but I'm pretty sure I'm a couple inches taller now. 

"Trucking Healthy"

So here's the deal, being a truck driver I know how tough it can be out here to be healthy. Truck stops are bringing in more and more overpriced fast food joints. The "dollar menu" at a McDonald's in Pilot truck stops starts at like $3. For fatty, processed junk food. But, hey, it's quick and easy, right?

Truckers getting paid to sit still and stare out the window all day, dodging cars and dealing with general motorist assholery. It can be stressful; so sometimes we need to take a quick break and shove a Fatty McLardassburger in our facehole. 

But then one turns into two turns into a habit. Next thing you know you're getting winded trying to get out of the truck. Your pants seem to shrink by inches every time you put them on. You've gone from "svelte" (it's a real word, trust me) to "husky" to "planet with feet" and you start worrying about every DOT physical. 

Your blood pressure keeps rising with your waist size and the doctor is talking about "pre diabetes cautions". Every time you step on a scale people run thinking springs are going to fly out like shrapnel in a war zone. 

I've been there. My waistline grew steadily. I felt like a Macy's float. Hell, I LOOKED like one. I ended up with medical issues. My blood pressure started to look like a sketch of the Rockies. I knew something had to change or I was headed for trouble. Or the morgue. I'm pretty sure the morgue still qualifies as trouble though. 

After losing a fight to gravity I ended up being forced to get in shape. That gravity is one bad mother, I'll tell you that. Left me with a bunch of broken bones and shit. Surprised me, really, because I figured I had enough blubber to cushion my landing. Wrong. Nearly dead wrong. 

And that's the thing. We get out of shape easily in this sedentary life. Fast food slows us down and wrecks our bodies in invisible ways. It's like magic but tasty, dark, dark magic. Soda slowly kills us with its delicious sugars. 

Being on the road and hustling from city to city and state to state, we don't have time to stop in at the gym. And our vehicles don't fit in at a lot of places. So fitness and health take a back seat. And that's exactly where I found them; in my bunk on my truck. 

A little bit of innovation and I had a bench to work out on. I carry it on my truck along with weights and other items I use to go from obese to "oh, beast". A wee bit of tinkering with my food choices made that even easier. Am I a beast now? Nope. But I'm much healthier than before and steadily improving. 

Shortly after getting back on the road from my 6 month "you broke a buncha stuff" vacation I met my buddy, Robert. He was interested in getting in better shape too. So we worked together to develop and tweak a system that worked on our individual needs. We both got results and are on our way to our goals. We aren't overly concerned anymore about the new DOT rules coming out regarding physical fitness and what'll happen to our jobs. We both are living a healthier lifestyle. This means less ailments and, hopefully, more years with our families. 

Each of us have focused on different aspects regarding health and fitness. We've spent a couple of years working at it and getting results. Smaller waistlines, better blood pressure and general health. Being healthy you'll find you have more energy, you sleep better, you breathe better, you're happier in general and usually a little less stressed. See, being healthy isn't just about diet. It's about an entire lifestyle change. But I'm not supposed to tell you that. It scares people sometimes. They're all like "ermahgerd! He's going to banish our chocolates! He's going to make us eat shit we don't like! He's evil!" Then they want to chase me with sticks. And I'm all "hey, look! You're running! I'm so proud of you!" 

Relax, guys, it's not like that. Being healthier isn't a punishment and it shouldn't feel like one. I'm not out to steal Halloween and Easter candy from you. Although I wouldn't horribly mind if we put McDonald's out to pasture. 

Which leads us to the point of this post. See, we figured if we can help other drivers lose weight, get healthier and prolong their lives then it was important we do so. We decided to start simple for now. We started with a little group of drivers helping drivers with health goals. Healthy eating tips, exercise tips and ideas, best use of space and stuff like that. The beauty of it is that this can work with everyone because the concepts are all about simplicity and efficiency. 

In the fast paced world of today time is a precious commodity. We don't have much to spare and you probably don't either. Because the clock ticks go by so quickly, we've learned to make them count. So we created Trucking Healthy on Facebook. We're working on a website but I can barely figure out my phone, website building is not in my repertoire. It should be ready before too long though. In the interim, we invite you to check out our little group. Maybe it'll help you or motivate you. 

The obesity rate is climbing drastically. People are succumbing to blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes and other preventable illnesses all too quickly. Our goal is to slow that down. No matter what your job, your hours or your body goals, OUR goal is to help you get Trucking Healthy. If you aren't happy with what you see in the mirror then we want to help you. You can make excuses or you can make changes. We hope to help you make the changes you want.