Tuesday, February 9, 2016

"Survive This.."

I'm old. I'll admit that. How old am I, you ask? Old enough that I remember 70's and 80's television. Back when special effects was horrible, Disney movies were on every Saturday and/or Sunday night and it was safe to let us kids watch it. Typically the special affects are pretty awesome now. Except in movies like Sharknado. Granted, that movie itself is a ludicrous concept but the special affects are horrendous. I could give my 6 year old an etchasketch and he could make some of those scenes look more realistic. 
So we generally try to stick with more educational programming at my house. Or, at least, the channels that had that type of programming when they first started. Say, for instance, National Geographic. I remember those old magazines. They were all about learning. I had a subscription and lived for getting my magazines. (On second thought, I think that's the first place I saw boobs as a kid. Maybe that was part of why I enjoyed my subscription.) What the hell happened to TV though?! 

I put on a show on the National Geographic Channel called "Wicked Tuna". Oh good, the boys can learn about tuna fishing while I'm entertained as well. (We all know I'm no fisherman so they certainly won't learn from me. I can barely catch salmon at the grocery store) Bad, bad choice. Yeah, I know, guys on a boat fishing...of course they're gonna cuss like sailors. I just didn't expect Nat Geo would air the language. I was expecting some censorship with beeps and stuff. I guess if they bleeped out every cuss word it would sound like R2D2 were giving the Gettysburg Address. 
I found there was less education to it and more just watching some foul mouthed people float around in boats. I know, I know, "well what were you expecting? It's a show about catching tuner fishes." And you'd be right in thinking my idea that it would have educational content was a bit unrealistic. So I switched channels. 

I decided I'd go back to watch Food Network. I love Chopped and Cutthroat Kitchen. I was already in the mindset that language was an issue so I started paying attention. 
Sure enough, on that channel there's not much profanity and they censor just about all of it out. But then who can really cuss about food? I may not like Brussels sprouts but I'm not going to hurl profanities at them. Although I may be tempted to drop some very colorful phrases if someone tried to steal my bacon. I'd probably also smack them with a skillet. Certain lines you just don't cross, people! 

So why is it the "educational channels" like Nat Geo and Discovery allow such blatant use of foul language? Especially on shows that are on in the middle of the day on weekends? Don't they realize kids still watch tv? 

I wonder, though, at what point did scripted tv shows start using this kind of language? Shows gradually went from "golly, Wally" to the point where hurling profanities on family shows is commonplace. We call it "progressive society" but are we really progressing? 

And then there's "reality TV". Are you kidding me?? I remember when Survivor first came out. I was all excited expecting a real-life cross between Gilligan's Island and Lord of the Flies. 
Imagine my disappointment when they were basically playing games for a steak dinner. "Survivor"...pffft. If one of their little actor people got a hang nail or bad sunburn they'd airlift them off the island. Here I was expecting them to be drawing sticks to see who kills the fat guy for food. If only GoPro had been around when the Donner party headed West. THAT would've been a show!!

You want to make Survivor good? Put married couples on that deserted island, no food and get them drunk. Now strap them to lie detectors and let them have at it for a couple hours. You'll have savages in no time. 

Then there's this show, The Bachelor. Let me get this right, they take a rich guy, put him in a house with a bunch of women willing to marry a rich guy they've never met? How could this possibly go wrong? Seriously. They're good looking women who've basically said they're desperate enough to blindly marry a rich guy. Sure, they're in it for "love". Why not just call it "Golddigger's Ball"? 
Let me explain this to you, Mr Bachelor...she's hot and so single she has to agree to a televised blind date in hopes to get a boyfriend or husband? Newsflash, she's probably crazy. You know, like the rich guy that apparently can't get a date without help from the tv network. He's rich and good looking and no one else wants him? That's not a redflag?! How sweet, I bet they're a matching set of psycho. 

Marriage Bootcamp. Seriously?! Look, folks, if you need Basic Training to stay together then maybe you should stay together...with OTHER PEOPLE! Can we do Marriage Bootcamp on Survivor Island? Oh, I know, put the folks from The Bachelor out there with them. Watch everyone fight over who's crazier. Maybe put a tiger and some chickens on the island. Have a little fun with it.