Monday, February 22, 2016

"Not an Indecent Proposal"

Cigars and champagne all around! I was proposed to, I think. Well, I mean, technically I wasn't asked or anything yet but I was nominated for the Liebchen Award. So that's pretty much the same thing. I wonder if there'll be a swan carved out of ice. Of course, the girl who did it is married so that may present a problem. 
Wait. I was just informed that that doesn't constitute a proposal. That was a close call. At least I'm off the hook for marriage. And, apparently, it's called the Liebster Award not the Liebchen Award. Liebster, Lobster, Liebchen...eventually I'll get it right. Still, an award nomination is a nomination so I'm still a bit excited. Looking at the by-rules it seems I'm supposed to answer a few questions first. Let's take a look at these and see what it's all about. 

1)"what encouraged you to start your blog?"

Hhmm. Good question. I was told that if I started a blog and got enough readers then I could interview the President. Turns out you've gotta have a YouTube channel and be nearly nude in a tub of cereal. Clearly I aimed too high. 
Of course, I started my blog with the poems I'd written so maybe I was just hoping I'd find other people with minds as twisted as mine. Aaaand, here you are! 

2) "what niche/genre is your blog?"

Eclectic. Is eclectic a niche? Honestly, I'd like to think that my blog is its own niche or genre. I kinda just do my own thing. Even I'm usually not too sure what I'm going to post most of the time. I'm a "caveman of mystery" and stuff. 

3)"do you post on a schedule or when the inspiration takes you?"

First off, I'm the Incredible Bulk! It'll take a lot more than inspiration to take me anywhere. I have to be coaxed along. With food.
I tried to keep a schedule when I first started but I tend to lose track of time. So now I find I just write a bunch of stuff periodically then post it whenever I feel like. Or whenever my readers start asking if I'm dead. I'm like a super ultra low budget Stephen King. Only my stuff is free. Mostly because I can't get anyone to buy it. 

4) "what are some of the big milestones you've celebrated for your blog?"

Well, I recently celebrated my first year. Kinda. It may or may not have actually been a year. It was more like a rough estimate because I'm not good of keeping track of time. I'm not even sure how old I am half the time.  
The celebration was fun though. You guys really missed a good time. I had some milk, watched some NCIS on Netflix and did some laundry. I'm quite the party animal. 

5) "do you use social media to promote your blog? Links?"

My marketing budget is about 12 cents a year. I save diligently to meet that goal and I'm quite proud to say that this year I'm on track to beat it by at least a nickel. 
So I use what free social media I can get. Somehow I linked my blog to Twitter but I don't know how I did it. It's like magic. Every time I post, Twitter sends a message to both of my fans. 
I also made a Facebook page called "Christian Touchet Writes". Such an original title, right? That's me...master of creativity. I figured it'd be easy for me to remember and spell that way. I almost called it "stuff Christian Touchet writes that people may or may not enjoy" but I thought I'd go simple. 
Links? Yes, I'm sure that are links and earls and hotteepees and stuff to my sites. Who spells Earl, URL anyway? That's just goofy. Do I have any idea what they are? Pfft. Half the time I can't find my own blog or Facebook page. Tech savvy I am not. 

6) "on average how long do you find you spend putting together a post?"

Seriously, have you read my posts? Can you imagine someone spending more than 5 or 10 minutes writing them? Yeah, me either. I can barely imagine people spending 10 minutes reading them.
There are a few I put more time into either "researching" (like with "Oh Sheet, It's Grog" or "So Pretty It Hurts") or actually editing and rewriting (there were a couple of poems that I edited a few times until they came out the way I wanted) but, for the most part, I don't spend much time writing them. 
Most of what I post I write on the spot. Even the poems you read are written quickly. For instance, "The Man of Tin" that was on my anniversary post was written in about 10 minutes while I was on the phone with a friend talking about my day. I find that's how most of them come about...I throw something together as a result of multitasking. 

7) "as a child what did you want to be when you grew up?"

Rich. Duh. No kid says "I want to be impoverished when I grow up." I wanted to be so rich I'd have my own plane and I'd fly it all over the world only stopping to buy new cars and hotels. I'd have supermodel girlfriends and stuff. Crap, I just realized I wanted to be Hugh Hefner. 
After that it was a toss-up between Darth Vader and Peter Pan. After years of dedication I'm pretty sure I've achieved my goal. I'm a giant, mouth breathing kid. Mission accomplished. Although the James Earl Jones voice would've been cool. And I never got that black suit, cape and helmet. That was kinda disappointing. 
Fortunately, I never became a veterinarian. The dream of all nature loving nerds like myself. The first time I bit a dog back I'd have been sued. So that was a bullet dodged I reckon. 

8) "what is the link to your favorite post on your blog and why?"

My favorite blog post is probably either "Oh Sheet, It's Grog" or "So Pretty It Hurts". If I had to choose, I'd go with the latter over the former. Why? Because I thought it was downright funny. Quite a true story but still funny in retrospect. 
I'm supposed to provide you a link to it but I really don't know how. It's on this blog somewhere though. It's worth searching for in my humble opinion. 

9) "what is your guilty pleasure in literature?"

I'm not sure that any of my pleasures are guilty but I do have several books I love reading. There's Sun Tzu's "The Art of War", Dumas's "The Count of Monte Cristo", a book by Trevanian called "Shibumi" and the complete works of both Poe and Lovecraft. All of these are often reread. And I've got a small collection of comics I've managed to save. Most are first editions or limited series' like Deadpool 1-4. 

10) "what is 1 piece of advice you have to give other new bloggers?"

Write about what you enjoy, write with passion and write for yourself. I write poetry because it's cathartic. It's an outlet. My other posts I write strictly for fun. Try not to take yourself too seriously. By that I mean simply that people may criticize your beliefs or feelings but don't let it get you down. Me, I like when people disagree with my beliefs sometimes. It means they're thinking about it and not just following what everyone else does. 
My biggest tip, though, is do all of this with good grammar. Use spell check if you have to. Don't write in some urban slang. Learn the difference between the homonym words like "to, too and two" or "there, they're and their" among others. 
An occasional mistake may happen but nothing makes me dismiss any written piece quicker than terrible grammar. If you're going to write "informative" pieces then do some actual fact checking. Ok, I'll quit now or this last question will turn into its own rant. You get the idea by now.