"Lazy Days"

Ever notice how lazy we're getting as a society? At first I thought it was just a lack of courtesy but I'm pretty sure it's mostly laziness. Every day it seems it's getting worse. 

As with any societal change, it starts off slowly. It's like watching sand dunes build one grain at a time. At first you don't notice it. Then you're like, "look at that little hill." Then it's a 12 foot dune with more growing around it. Same thing with our bad habits. 

For instance, in the trucking industry today, you non-truckers probably never even noticed how big our parking lots are. That's because we are always in the back, away from you guys. The herd must rest together. 

Here's an experiment for you though. A quick and easy one. Go look at our fuel lanes. About 80 feet in front of the pumps you'll see a yellow line. We call that a "ready line". It's there so that after we get fuel we can pull forward to that line and know that we've left enough space for a truck to get to the fuel island behind us. Then we go inside and get our fuel receipts and do whatever quick business we need to do. It helps with the flow. 

Now, go out there and look to see how many trucks are parked at that line. Then look at how many trucks are parked at the fuel pumps with no one around them. See those trucks? They were too lazy to pull forward. And a LOT of those guys could use that extra 80 feet of walking. 

In fact, of those guys still parked on the fuel line I'll bet a quarter of them are inside either sitting at a table eating or are in there taking a shower. Why? Laziness. That and lack of consideration. 

And it just gets worse. I'm at a truck stop here in Florida where over half the lot is empty spaces. Yet there are trucks lining the driveway and making it difficult to get in. Why? Because they were too lazy to go look for a parking space. Had they driven another 200 feet they'd have had their choice of spots. 

It's not just truckers. It's everyone. Go to your local grocery store or Walmart. See how many carts litter the parking lot? People just can't be bothered to go put them in those little corrals. Too much work. They went to get groceries not cardio. 

I've been to Taco Bell and other fast food places where people just leave their trash on the table and walk out. Those trash cans are conveniently located by the doors but these nasty people just can't be bothered. Did they slip into a food coma before they even left?

Just more and more I look around I see pure laziness. Pajamas to the store?? Seriously? You can't be bothered with putting on your "big person" clothes? You've gotta walk around in slippers and pajamas? Are these people narcoleptic?! Just gotta be prepared for that random nap. Should these people be driving? "What happened? How'd you wreck the car?"

 'I dunno, I was just driving along then BAM! Out like a light. Dreaming about McDonald's and shit.'

We are supposed to be "global leaders". Who are we leading, the dream brigade? C'mon, people, quit being so damn lazy. 

You know what I equate this level of lazy to? Ghetto. To me it's all just ghetto behavior. And it translates over. 

I hear people talking about how they just never get a chance. I call bullshit. Opportunity knocked and you were too lazy to open the damn door. 

I lived in the projects as a kid. I had the same "lack of opportunity" other ghetto kids had. You don't see me walking around town in pajamas leaving my trash on the table at Burger King. 

"I can't get a job." Hell no. Who's gonna hire someone in their pajamas?! I wouldn't hire someone who may fall asleep on the job. Especially not if they're demanding $15 an hour minimum wage. Sorry, Sleeping Not-So-Beauty, I'm gonna go with someone who speaks and acts like they care. 

Yeah, I said speaks but I mean much more than that. For those of you who've been following me for a while know, I also write poetry. Back when I was posting it regularly I was invited to poetry communities and stuff. I saw a few poems that were in text shorthand. Really? You're too lazy to write the actual words out? And they wanted my advice and guidance. "Ok. Learn to spell the words out and try again." 

I tried to be supportive. I tried to be encouraging. But I'm a grammer notsee.  (Sorry, I had to. Yes, I know how both of those words are spelled.) 

Text shorthand is even showing up in school papers and stuff these days. This is the world we live in. If people are too lazy to learn, let's just make the classes easier. Let's encourage lazy and stupid. Way to give Darwin the finger, folks! 

I've done online college classes for about 4 different people. Some of them really applied themselves and just couldn't grasp it. I tried helping them learn. Especially the English, Biology, Introductory Psych and Sociology classes. Why did I do their work if I don't encourage lazy? Good question. With 3 of them it's because I just took over. I made sure they grasped it but they couldn't articulate themselves as well as I. I did the assignments on paper, had them read them and explain to me what I was saying in the papers. They seemed to get it that way. The majority of the time they'd just type up what I'd written. They did the rest of the classes on their own though. I don't mind helping so long as it's just help. And I only helped with the classes I felt were completely unnecessary for the field they were pursuing. I'm not getting the whole degree, I don't want one. I like being "uneducated". 

Oh, I've served time in college classrooms. It's just not for me. I can't just sit there and have some instructor read to me from the book I've got sitting on my desk. I can't be taught; I learn. There's a difference. 

One of the advantages to learning rather than being taught? I draw my own conclusions. I make my own observations. Maybe it really is a laziness thing with me too. I find it's less work to learn on my own than it is to unlearn what's being taught to the rest of the class. (May rant about the education system is a story for another day). 

But I digress. We were going on about laziness, weren't we? It just bothers me. It's one thing to be lazy in your own home but when you leave the house, especially when you're working, take the time to be considerate. Take the time to do things right. It's not hard, folks. Put in a little effort to set a good example. 

And PLEASE, quit walking around in public wearing pajamas and slippers! 

"Tech No"

Technology is advancing quickly. And as it advances we become more reliant on it. How reliant have we become? Well I'm glad you asked. 

When I started writing this I was at a Chili's restaurant having dinner and drinks with a friend. We were sitting in the bar area and the waitress was kinda busy. Fortunately, they gave us a handy little computerized thing at our table. Just like the one Molly and I had at our table for dinner a few times. It had games (Molly and I kicked ass at trivia in every category, by the way. She's as smart as she is pretty). 

Guess what else we were all able to do with these fun toys? Order drinks, dinner, get the bill and even pay it. No joke. We were able to be our own waitstaff and cashier. 

Having worked in restaurants for years, I'm a pretty good tipper. This time I split it with myself since I did everything but cook and deliver the food. I think it's only fair. Sad part is, most of the restaurants I worked in I was in the kitchen. So I could easily have cooked my own meal. Hell, why go out to eat? Now, I'll admit, I felt kinda bad not tipping the waitress as much as I usually do. They rely on tips to survive or support families. Yet I can't justify a gratuity just for showing up to work. After all "tips", in my experience, means "To Insure Proper Service". 

We will get back to that. First, I want to express another disappointment. This year, while Christmas shopping, I found a ViewMaster. I was so excited I could hardly stand. There I was, all weak-kneed and shit, in Walmart staring at this treasure I'd had as a kid. Yess! All the magical nature stuff I learned about with mine; I just knew my nature loving boy, Logan, would love this! 

So I grabbed the only one they had left, 3 packs of cards for it, and headed to the register. Price was no object but I thought I should check this thing out while I was waiting in line. So I start reading the box. 

That's when my heart sank. Right there, plain as day, "step one, download app. Step two, insert compatible smart phone into the slot. Step three, look at the cards." Seriously?! You've gotta have a smartphone to use this thing?! 

Well, what's the "card" box say? Can't you just insert the cards like I used to do? Nope. Gotta download an app, scan the cards, then look at them on the phone. Look at them on the PHONE?! Well what the hell do you need the ViewMaster thing for?! 

So you're telling me I've gotta either get a smartphone for my 6 year old or have him walking around with my iPhone 6? That's nuts. Why'd they have to go and ruin something like the ViewMaster? It only came in two iterations (that I'm aware of) when I was a sprout. Regular or 3D. The regular was red and 3D was blue. Oh, and I also had a red and blue "Spider-Man edition" that I stole from a store when I was about 8. Yeah, it was wrong but I really wanted it. I hadn't yet developed morals. 

Back then the idea of anything more advanced than a pay phone would've blown my mind. A smartphone was something Isaac Asimov would've written about. No way could it be real. Personally, I think portable telephones and Internet are just fads that'll pass in time. 

I mean, this technology stuff is handy for now or I'd be mailing these little posts out. There's way too much to put on a postcard. I write small but not that small. Plus, my penmanship sucks. 

We had an encyclopedia salesman come by my house when I was about 12. We got the full set. Every month or so I'd have to go through and add new pages that they'd mail us. That's how we would "update our programs" back then. These days we just look shit up online. A few keyboard clicks and a video pops up. Reading an actual book is becoming antiquated. 

My kids have tablets. I bought them for educational purposes. I say that but I really think I bought them so we can make long trips without threats of violence every few miles. Sometimes technology can be a life saver. 

So back to the electronic waitresses. Where's that taking us? Well, there's a restaurant in Nuremberg that's replaced its waitstaff with automated systems. They've compared it to the world of the Jetsons. Man, I loved those cartoons. Never imagined I'd live to see it become a reality show. (Don't let me forget to talk about reality shows at some point. It's written but I keep forgetting to post it). 

What's going to happen when we don't need waitstaff at all anymore? I'm thinking that's not going to help the economy or the unemployment rate. Maybe the "Illuminati" is behind it. It's a giant conspiracy to make us all name our dogs Astro. 

"Fun New Year"

So I woke up this morning and it's a new year. Feels just like a Friday but I reckon it's a special Friday. I'm supposed to make a bunch of resolutions. Basically, empty promises to myself. I'm socially required to "resolve" to make changes because 2015 is now fully behind me. 

Ok, I can do this. I'll even share with you my secret list of promises to myself. But, let's be honest, most of these are going to fall to the wayside within the first 90 days. It's like a manufacturer's warranty to keep me from doing anything too drastic. 

Ready? Alright, let's start off slow and simple...

1) I'm going to drink more water. 

Ok, this one I can stick with. I'll just have to be creative. Coffee. I use water to make coffee. So, if I increase my coffee intake then I'll be getting more water. I may switch up periodically and substitute tea. 

2) read more. 

I can probably manage this one. I can order a subscription to the Enquirer or something. 

3) be more active. 

Ok. I can work with that. Maybe I'll just drink coffee by the cup and leave the carafe in the kitchen so I've gotta walk back in there to refill it. BAM! Cardio. 

4) be less sarcastic. 

Sure, I can work on that. It'll be fun. My frustration level may increase but then I'll just increase #3. Or..

5) buy a gun. 

Yeeeeeah! Can't pop off at the mouth? I'll just pop off a few rounds. I might even get to the gun range instead of prison. (I've heard I'm a serial killer in training anyway.) 

And, finally, 6) learn another language. 

The original plan was to just learn Italian so I could be sarcastic without people knowing what I was doing. "Stealth Sarcasm". I've been doing pretty good at it but I'd like to add more to my resume. Pig Latin maybe. 

Of course, they're resolutions so I can abandon any of them at will. As we've discovered, that's how resolutions work anyway. I like to set achievable goals so I may stick with most of these. 

So, while everyone else is wasting money on gym memberships that'll be forgotten in weeks, I'll be reading up on how to claim insanity after shooting people. I'll present my argument to the court in Pig Latin and be prepared for coffee in the exercise yard at the asylum.