Monday, March 21, 2016

"The Nut of Health"

I'm totally of ashamed myself right now. I'm frugal. "Thrifty" is what I call it. Yes, I will wait for a cashier to bust open a roll of coins and sort them all into her tray so I can get my change. Hey, rich people don't get rich by giving their money away and someday I hope to be rich. So I'm practicing now. 
Anyway, what's upset me is that I just ate $13.00 worth of snacks in one sitting. Now, before I continue, I'd appreciate you quit looking at me like that. It was an accident; I didn't mean to. In fact, it was with the best of intentions. Until I got carried away. 

See, I gave up smoking. I quit drinking soda. I've switched from whole milk to skim milk. I've even nearly abolished sweet tea from my diet. Nearly. All in an effort to be healthier. I occasionally get a can of Pringles but I don't get bags of chips to snack on while driving anymore. I even quit eating fried pig skins. Ok, they gave me heartburn so that was an easy loss. 
I rarely ever ate candy bars because I'm not overly fond of chocolate. I don't feel like I'm losing out there. Mountain Dew was tough to give up though. I think they put an addictive chemical in it. It's like bottled crack. 
Certain things I simply refuse to give up though. Like coffee. That's just not gonna happen. Or real sugar for my coffee. I'm not switching to some artificial sweetener. I don't want it artificially sweet, I want it tasty sweet. With real creamer. Just the way nature intended. 

But it's not easy eating healthy. Or cheap. In fact, it's cheaper to eat junk. McDonald's has a dollar menu. Five bucks can get you five burgers. Burger King has the same thing. I'm anti-McDonald's and pro Burger King but I could eat burgers like Wimpy from the old Popeye cartoons. 
I even measure my money in food terms. "Well, I could get this new pair of gloves but they're $12.  That's 2 footlongs from Subway. Nah. I'll just wash my hands more." Yes, I have these debates out loud in the truck stop. "Should I spend $10 on a haircut? Dude, that's a 6 inch sub, half gallon of milk and 2 cookies. Put a hat on, stupid." Ever see a picture of me without a hat? Me neither. But I always look like I'm chewing something in my pics. Coincidence? Don't bet on it. 

"No more fried foods, less milk, etc. etc. Basically nothing that tastes good or you enjoy. Except fish and skinless chicken." Blah blah blah. Who the hell wants to live like that? Who can afford to? 

There's the problem. It gets costly to eat healthy. Especially on the road. Next to the coffee you'll often see a sign reading something like "2 tollhouse for .50 with purchase of coffee." But it's nearly a dollar a piece for a banana. One granola bar costs more than 2 King Size Snickers. 
You can get 6 wings and a large slice of pizza for $5. Or 5 hard boiled eggs for $3. Which do you choose, right? Next to those eggs is a fairly basic salad for $5. Don't worry, they have dressing for an additional dollar. 
See? Healthier gets costly. Plus, I can't eat a salad while I'm driving. But I could eat hot wings and pizza in my sleep. I'm pretty sure I have before. While driving it's even easier. 

Look, let's be honest here, I may get a few extra years if I do everything "by the book". I may get to see my youngest graduate. That'd be good enough for me, I'm not greedy. Either way, I'm not going to live forever. Nor would I want to. 

But today I thought I'd splurge. I got pistachios. $13.00 for a one pound bag. It amazes me. Don't these things grow in nature for free? Maybe there's more to it, though. Maybe they're an endangered species or something. 
I like almonds and peanuts too. Peanuts is cheating, though, because they aren't really a nut. On the few occasions I've driven through California I saw almond trees. I guess that was like a preserve or something because they must be endangered too. That's why I didn't go grab any. I was afraid I'd get caught poaching on a preserve. Since I'm not a rich doctor or politician I don't think I could get away with it. 

You know, everyone these days is pushing for healthier. Sure, healthier is a good thing in a country overrun with obesity. I get that people are pushing to eat healthier but they tend to forget you've gotta exercise too. 
Sure, you could spend tons of money every week on what you're told is "healthier" food. But you're just wasting your money on "top of the line" granola that's made from the same oats as my "regular" granola. Wasting money on overpriced food doesn't make us better people and it damn sure doesn't make you smarter. 

So I'm a bit irritated with myself for binge eating a bag of overpriced pistachios. They were good though. And I've gotta be lots healthy now because I was steadily washing them down with skim milk.