Baltimore

Ok. I generally don't just start off all serious but this does seem to be a serious matter. 

As it turns out a criminal died in police custody and there are a few people in Baltimore who are outraged. Looking at this guy's criminal history I imagine many of the outraged people are the ones he was clearly selling drugs to. 

Is it sad that someone died in police custody? Yes. Was he going to eventually die if he weren't in police custody? Sure. People die. We call that "mortality". Again, looking at his arrest record, he was probably already on borrowed time. Who gets caught THAT many times selling drugs?! Was this guy related to Marion Barry?! Good grief, only Keith Richards could "outdrug" this dude. And, as much as he seemed to get caught with the stuff, he must've owed some cartel a BUNCH of money for seized drugs. 

So he dies. Tragic, I get that. A drug selling criminal died. We should put up a memorial. Instead, local gangs call a truce just to group together and loot and riot. Hhmm. Stellar plan. That worked so incredibly well in L.A. after Rodney King. And in Ferguson after Michael Brown. Destroy your local city and break as many laws as you can. That'll teach them.

Teach us what? That you're a bunch of idiots who don't understand economics? Congratulations, you destroyed a senior center being built for the black community. Oh no, I've certainly learned a lesson! I've learned that that grandpa whose diapers you hate changing is gonna be living with you even longer now. Moron. 

White people die in police custody. So do people of other ethnic backgrounds. It happens. I don't want to die in police custody. Guess what I'm doing to avoid that...I'm NOT BREAKING THE LAW! Oh, now there's a concept! Again...idiots.

I think it's great that the local gangs got together in a truce. Now, instead of showing us how stupid you are, why don't you just round up all the criminals for us and help clean up your community? Try being part of the solution instead of part of the problem. 

And did you ever notice that in the southern states where we have the right to defend ourselves with guns people don't loot and riot? Coincidence? Hmm, maybe those guns we are allowed to carry serve as a deterrent to crime after all. 

The Home Depot Experiment

I like to do little, what I call, "social experiments". Mostly out of curiosity, partly because it's fun. So a few days ago I did an experiment. I don't really know much about light bulbs "blah blah blah. Thomas Edison... Blahty blah blah... Electricity... Something something" but I managed to bluff my way through it. 

Well I was actually quite proud of myself. I spent about 15 minutes talking to this real nice young couple about lights. I'm not sure what they were originally shopping for when they stopped me to ask for help. 

"Excuse me, Neil, can you help us out?", the guy asked me. 

"Well hot diggity dog! Can I ever! Whatcha looking for?" Of course, I had to look down at my smock real quick to see what department I was from. "I work in electrical but I'll do what I can". Electrical. Great, I hate electronics and electric. This should be fun. Something like roofing or tile would've been better. 

That's when he told me what they needed help with but my inner monologue drowned him out and I missed it entirely. 

At some point, though, started to tell me how they were painting their kitchen. Excellent! I can work with this. That's when lightbulbs hit me. 

"Well what's the lighting like in there? Ya lookin to brighten things up? I've found that the lightbulbs make a difference in the final outcome. Them regular incandescent bulbs don't really bring out the paint like our newest cfl's do." I could feel the whole pitch working itself out already. 

"See, these are an improvement over Nikolai Tesla's original concept. Now, everybody knows Edison beat him to patent the bulb but Tesla was working on crisper light." I've found it helps to name-drop. 

For the next 10 minutes or so we discussed wattage, I explained to him that changing out all his bulbs would not only save him money on his electric bill but be a sound financial move "on accounta they last over 15 years." Sure, that sounds good to me. I even explained to him that with cfl's "we have a 90 return policy. If one burns out or quits working for any reason in the next 90 days, we will refund you. Just tell them Neil told you about our promo."  

These were good folks so I wanted to get them the best deal possible since they started putting cfl bulbs in their cart. By my guess they picked up about 60 bulbs. I think it was a fantastic investment for them. I wished them luck then excused myself so I could go to the back. "Well, I hope this works out well for ya. Come back and see me and show me pictures after it's all painted and well-lit. I've gotta go take my break now, they get kinda snitty about us not sticking to the schedule." 

Then I headed away from them, turned the corner and set the smock on an end cap. Now, I'm sure Neil is a nice guy and I hope he appreciates everything I did for his good name. I also hope they didn't charge him for a new smock when he came out of the bathroom to find his missing. 

I still needed to get back to the receiving department so I could get someone to sign for a delivery of stone. Granted, I might've wanted to pick up a few things but I figured since I probably wasn't going to get Neil's employee discount then I'd just go across the street to Lowe's. 

Now, I learned in this experiment that if you're wearing an orange smock in Home Depot people just assume you know what you're talking about. Also, I've apparently got a friendly, trustworthy looking face. Oh, and I'm pretty sure cfl's are still a mystery to the rest of the world. I don't know what makes them better, I just bought a bunch when they were on sale because they looked neat with those little curly Q tails and such. 

Devil's Laughter

        Devils Laughter

I spoke with an angel today 

'Twas the most beautiful voice I've ever heard

I felt like I could float away 

I happily hung on her every word

I unraveled my soul and felt at ease

She smiled at me and showed compassion

Not once did she judge, mock or tease

We carried on for hours in this fashion

And I knew things were going to work out fine

It seems there's an angel for us all

Each day I look forward to speaking with mine

Ever closer to watching her fall

She's so sweet pure and innocent

She doesn't even see that I'm planning her demise

The poor thing won't understand my intent

At first I'll see the shock and betrayal in her eyes

As my words slowly strip her of her gossamer wings

Never understanding as she falls from grace

Our world isn't meant for such gentle things 

I'm saving her now from this cruel and evil place

I'll create for her a prison full of tormented souls

Where she will see there's no beauty in being above me

She can have my spot in hell when we switch roles

Then I'll take flight and it'll be heaven I see

But what is that, someone crying out in pain 

I'll just swing by and see what torments them so

As days pass my desire for heaven begins to wain

My joy at listening to their soul makes me forget to go

Too late to stop it my wings fade and I plummet

The circle is closing as I drop back to my personal hell

I listened to their sins and took their evil from it

Humanity is a lesson I've just learned well

We all strive to be Angels and ascend from this mortal plane

But the evils we commit in this life will follow us ever after

Twas my own sins sung in my angel's sweet refrain

And I can't earn wings with my own Devils laughter

Facebook Hates Me

Facebook hates me and openly mocks me. Now I don't know if it's the entire staff or just one twisted little programmer but either way, their hatred is pretty evident. You think I'm being ridiculous but I can prove it. 

See, I hadn't even really noticed before. I've been single for years. It could be because of, what I call, my "social Tourette's". It could possibly be because I'm extremely socially awkward and girls scare me. I mean, sure, because of my nerves I seem outgoing (I'd totally screw up Jungs' theories and Briggs-Meyers' if they came upon me at a party) but I assure you that lamp shade is only so I don't see everyone else. Yet a third theory that's been posited is that I'm "jaded, have a microscopic attention span and never listen to the person I'm with". An ex girlfriend told me that once. Or she asked which movie I wanted to see, I wasn't really listening to her at the time so I'm not too sure. 

For years now I've been a truck driver. I stay in my truck and, although I may rock back and forth behind the wheel in rage periodically, it keeps me from dealing with the public outside of my little cell which they've apparently deemed "safest for the general public". 

During my travels I met a female truck driver whom I dated for a bit. It was kinda "cutesy". Go to the IKEA store, "check in" together. Dinner? "Aw, let's check in so people can see we are together". And so on and so forth. Then we broke up. Oops. "I'll be ok (sniffle). I'll get over it (whimper)". That's when I noticed it! The evil people (or programmer, can't be hasty to judge) made it a point to single me out. Dirty move. 

I go to see a movie..."hey, I'll check in so people can see how cool and aloof I am. I got this." I hit the "check in" and BAM! "Who are you here with?" 

Seriously?! What, a guy can't go see a movie alone without you busting my chops?! Dinner, "who are you here with?"  I can almost see the people over at Facebook snickering every time I check in somewhere now. It's like Facebook gives you 2 options. Either stay your lonely ass home or don't try to play it cool and show people that you're out of the house. As soon as you leave Facebook might send you a message "out by yourself again? Haha!"

And I'm pretty sure Facebook sends out advance notices to the places I go like "ok, watch this. You're gonna get a dude coming in by himself. Mock him and we will bring you more business". 

I show up at a restaurant and the hostess looks at me then looks all around me. Makes a show of it. "Just one?", as she smiles. 

"Yes, just me." I'm getting to the point I want to just growl at people. But, of course, the mockery doesn't stop there. Especially not if it's somewhat busy. That's when they ask for my name and have me sit to wait. 

"Christian, party of ONE!", booms across their PA system like they're trying to reach the neighboring county.  That's about the time you can feel everyone in the place looking at the mutant that showed up alone. They parade you the long way around the establishment like they're showcasing that they've lured in Quasimodo or some mythical creature of ancient folklore with the promise of food. Then they sit you in the middle of the room, spotlighting you, and take the other place settings away like "well we don't want to waste the good silverware on this guy". I'm surprised they don't just give me plastic ware sometimes or make me eat out in the alleyway. "No no, we have a strict 'no mutants' policy." 

Don't worry, though,  I've learned how to work this to my advantage. Facebook isn't the only clever one here ya know. See, now what I do is carry a little notebook and pen. While I'm waiting for my table I make a show of looking around and writing things in my little notebook. When they walk me to my table I look at it, jiggle it a little to see if it's balanced and make more "notes". I inspect the silverware, carefully examine the menu and order salad, appetizer, entree and dessert. All the while keeping my notes going. 

Sometimes I make it a point to leave my notebook laying out so the server can "accidentally" see that I'm grading their restaurant. It helps that I'm naturally reclusive even in public and sometimes people confuse that as "secretive". Since I've started this routine I've gotten some of the best service ever. Hey, I never actually tell them I'm a food critic or that anything I write down goes anywhere but my little notebook. So I'm not technically lying. 

So "HA! Evil Facebook programmer!" I turned your ridicule of me to my advantage. No, it doesn't make your "who are you here with?" any better but at least I get better service and an occasional free dessert. Still, for single people everywhere, I ask that you change that doggone check-in thing. 

The Liebster Award

Well looky there! I got nominated for the Liebster Award! Of course, being feeble minded as I am, I initially misread that and thought I was getting lobster dinner. Then I thought "well maybe they're just going to give me a live lobster". That idea kinda had me nervous. Ever seen the claws on those guys?! And I was concerned I'd have to keep it as a pet if I won it. So there I was trying to look up their feeding habits and figuring out what to name it. Fred seems like a cool name for a lobster. Then I researched the Liebster award a little more thoroughly. Nope, no actual lobsters involved. That was a close one. 

Fortunately, as it turns out, I don't have to worry about building a trophy case either. That's refreshing because I'm lazy and not very handy. It is, however, still cool that I was nominated. From what I've been able to discover it looks like that means I've gotta answer some questions then nominate some folks. So, here goes....

"Where did your blogging inspiration come from?"

Well, I have some friends who told me repeatedly that I should publish my poetry. I asked a friend whose husband has a publisher and she suggested I start a blog. So that's what I did. 

"Is your blogging simply a hobby? What kind of dreams do you have for it?"

I'd have to say it's more of a hobby. If I made it anything more then it would seem like work and that would sap the fun out of it. 

My initial goal was to post once a week but I've been having fun with it so I post more frequently right now. Since at least half of what I post is poetry I'm not really setting a goal for anything. I want the poems to come in their own time. If I feel I've "got to meet a quota" then the poetry I do post will lose its value. Not saying that it is on point to win any literary awards now, mind you, but it seems people like it well enough so I'm happy.  I'm more "quality over quantity". 

"What is your support system like and who are your biggest supporters?"

Hhmm. That's kinda tough actually. My support system is phenomenal. It seems everyone in my support system ARE my biggest supporters. There's Jeri Conrad, Tonya Newton, Nikki Thomason, +Adele Archer, +Rachel Rennie, +Jeremy Crow, +Alisha Trost, +Nael Noaman, +Matt Banner, +Paul White, +Marc Latham, +Craig Wood, +Bekkie Sanchez, Joni Johnsen and Doreen Gleason. I'm sure there are some I've failed to mention and I apologize in advance for my oversight. 

"What are 10 random facts about you?"

Yeeeah, hhmm. I don't know if I even know 10 things about me. Here goes 

1) I love to kayak

2) I collect comic books. Well, I used to. Now I just hold onto the ones I still have. 

3) I was expelled twice. From the same school. It's a funny story and I may share it one day. For now just know that I'm THAT good. 

4) I got a high enough score to enter MENSA. Which is probably part of why #3 occurred. 

5) I'm twice divorced. Yep, smart enough for MENSA, yet dumb enough to get married twice. 

6) In my first year of driving a truck I hit 2 parked trailers and ran over a guard rail. 

7) I've visited mental hospitals as a guest and been asked to stay for evaluation. 

8) I made a psychologist leave the room in tears. To me that was just AWESOME!

9) I have a soft spot for kids and animals

10) I supported myself for several years doing nothing but playing pool. 

"What do you enjoy most about blogging?"

Really, that I can say whatever I want. It's my page so "nanny nanny boo boo"

"What do you do when you feel overwhelmed with too many tasks at once?"

If it ever happens I'll probably just laugh maniacally. However, I work best under pressure and it's nearly impossible to overwhelm me. 

"What would you do with a large sum of money given to you?" 

Pay off as much as I can and put money into a college fund for my kids. Then work as little as possible because I'm lazy. 

"What is one of the most moving books or movies you've ever seen?"

Sea Biscuit.  (Don't judge me.)

"Do you have a bucket list? Name 5 things on that."

Actually, I don't have a bucket list. I've broken many bones and had parts rebuilt. All the crazy shit I was gonna do, I've done already. 

"Where would you like to see yourself in the next couple years?" 

Well, I'd love to be published using a traditional publisher who thought my writing was good enough to take a risk on. Since Random House isn't exactly beating my door down, I'd like to just be on the water in a kayak. 

"What is your single best piece of advice for someone starting out in the blogging world?"

It's your page. Post what makes YOU happy. Don't be concerned with popularity. People will like you more for being yourself. But I've found it helps a little to approach it with a sense of humor and a touch of insanity. 

At this point I'm supposed to nominate people. I reckon that's like "calling them out" to gather in the streets. Maybe we could have lemonade; make a party of it. That'd be nifty!

Adele Archer, I nominate you. You're in charge of the crab cakes. Jeremy Crow, you're nominated. You get to make funnel cakes. Rachel Rennie, consider yourself in charge of lemonade. Alisha Trost, you're on flyer duty. Someone has to spread the word. Nael Noaman, our resident translator and ambassador of goodwill, you're nominated to be in charge of music. Paul White, you're called out to make deep fried Oreos. (I only just recently tried those and they're quite good). Bekkie Sanchez, I nominate you to be in charge of rides and such. And, Matt Banner, you have a standing nomination to show us how to make it work efficiently. 

I Smile

I have no control of the thoughts and images in my mind 

I try to grasp them but agony and madness is all I find

I want to be understood; to be normal like you

Instead I'm trapped in my mind and don't know what to do

The harder I try to free myself the more trapped I become

Like struggling in quicksand I've no escape from

The more I resist the darkness the quicker it draws me in

As I sink below the surface I find the wages of my own sin

It's a labyrinth with stairs to nowhere and doorways to space

But you don't know the misery I hide behind the smile on my face

What you see is a person that's happy and full of cheer

What you can never know is how hard it is to hide my fear

The crippling fear that I'll never fit in even in a world of outcasts

Forever alone with this nightmare in my mind for as long as it lasts

Shrouded in terror and cloaked in madness

A nightmare of epic proportions ridden by a warrior of darkness

My soul getting more twisted as the pain grows

While outwardly smiling so that nobody knows

Absolution

I feel them crawling inside of my head

Hear the footsteps and clawing of the dead

Aching for release from their baleful cries

Trying to channel through me their last goodbyes

Confessing their sins a lifetime too late

Crying for freedom from their inner hate

Asking me to give them some absolution

Like I'm the savior in my mental institution 

They beg for forgiveness I can't give

Beg for me to allow their good deeds to live

I tell them time and again it's not in my control 

I'm barely the guardian of my own immortal soul

I can't help these phantoms to ease their pain

They don't understand that I'm barely sane

I'm precariously balanced and fumbling

Shuffling the halls in my mind and mumbling

How To Save A Life

Here I am sitting in a truck stop restaurant, mesmerized by a check for $11.00 for the soup and salad bar. I'm thinking to myself "is this imported lettuce?!" Well, mostly mesmerized anyway. I'm kinda like a puppy in that respect; I get distracted easily. I have the attention span of a gnat on meth. I'm usually amazed I can finish writing these little posts. (People wonder why they're so short but they don't realize the Herculean effort it takes to get past 3 sentences). 

Anyway, I turned my attention to the window. Probably to watch the grass move in the wind. Before my gaze dropped that low I found traffic to watch. Yeah, a truck driver that watches traffic for fun. No wonder I can't get a date, I'm boring. So I'm watching traffic when I see it. I know it's going to happen but I'm powerless to avert my gaze. 

You see, one advantage to spending years fighting traffic is that I've developed some kind of sixth sense for people who drive like idiots. So as soon as I saw this car my "spidey trucker sense" started tingling. Or maybe I just got a conveniently timed itch. Either way, I knew what was about to happen.

 

Speeding down the far right lane a car tried to outrun traffic and shoot across 6 lanes of traffic to make a left. No signal, no gradually getting over into the turn lane...he just gunned it and turned the wheel. 

Not. Even. Close. He hadn't even made it as far as the turning lane when there was apparently a catastrophic miscalculation somewhere. Not being aware of this guy's intent a car in the middle lane sped up. Uh oh. I kinda yelled "and we have contact, but not with intelligent life!" a split second before they connected. More of those strange looks I get from waitresses and patrons. 

See, I see people do stuff like this all the time. They like to dive over at the last people second to catch off ramps or run down the side of stopped traffic to get in right before they collide with construction barrels. Why? Are they so self absorbed that other vehicles don't matter? Are they busy posting on Facebook (or updating their blogs. 😳) and not paying enough attention?

I'd like to take this opportunity to explain a few life-saving devices. First, headlights. If it's raining and you don't have them on then we truck drivers usually can't see you. That means I think that lane is open. You'll end up in the ditch or under my trailer. Neither of those are ideal. 

Next, if you look to the left of your steering wheel you'll see a stick-like object. If you're going to move to the left then push that thing downward. To move right push it upward. It's pretty simple and conveniently located in such a manner that, with minimal practice, you can use it while the car is in motion. 

You also have shiny, reflective glass objects usually right outside both the left and right doors. Those, if you glance over, can usually be used to see if there is traffic in their respective lanes. 

Next, and this one is tough because your car isn't equipped with it, is common sense. Exercise that enough and it becomes standard equipment no matter which vehicle you drive. 

Granted, some people are able to effectively multitask to some degree. More frequently I'm seeing those who can't multitask enough to think and drive. Yet they bebop along completely unaware of the hazard they cause, driving missiles of steel. 

I see roadsides saying "headlights on when wipers required" or "move over for emergency vehicles". I've quit wondering why people need to be told these things and begun marveling at how, even with these signs, people still don't practice these common sense techniques. 

I'm going to use two words here that even my kids hear all the time. "Situational awareness". It's really just that simple. Look, signal, plan ahead. Try it folks. We truck drivers do it daily. In fact, most people aren't aware how often truck drivers save their lives. It's true. On countless occasions I, myself, have had to take evasive action to keep from running over someone who seemed hell-bent on being reckless. Because I practice situational awareness. 

Desolation

The cold dark isolation welcomes me. It morphs to accommodate my soul. Emptiness from which I can't break free. Overcoming, overpowering it takes hold. I was told that I'm in a dark place.  It's everywhere go and growing inside. It follows my every thought these days. There's no way to escape and nowhere to hide. Embrace the misery and enter alienation. Run from my prison and crash into my fate. Hollowness of my own creation. I gave my soul and it was returned with hate. 

Tell me that you need me, tell me someone cares. I want to feel the sunlight wash over me again. My demons were quiet; tucked away downstairs. Now they're mad as ever and determined to win. 

I admit I'm not unbreakable; I'm just a man. And if I come under attack again I don't know that I'll survive. I've taken my beatings, taken more than I can stand. The parts that are dead in me outnumber the ones alive. I'm begging for a way out of here, something to hold onto. The darkness keeps beating me down, my sickness taking over. If I spiral downward then know I tried not to. There may be no saving my soul this time, I doubt there's much leftover. I give parts of it away and it gets mistreated. Returned broken battered and beaten to nothing. Each day I feel a little more defeated. As I piece myself back together I find..nothing. 

Home Sweet Home

 Week One

They locked me in here with a mad man

He yells at the walls and pulls his hair

I'm just gonna hide in the corner if I can

And leave him and his lunacy way over there

Week Two

Yep, he's still crazy, stark raving mad

Howling at the moon and eating a spider

When they let me out I'll sure be glad 

I'm kinda afraid this guy may be a biter

Week Three

So this guy is clearly off his rocker

I just watched him try to channel Mickey Mouse

But his failing wasn't really a shocker

Somebody please let me out of this nut house

Week Four

It's probably not a good sign that we talk

Me and this wacko they've paired me to

I'm gonna make a run for it on my next walk

He's actually writing a recipe for bug stew

Week Five

Well, the break for it was a complete bust

They dragged back in here screaming and kicking

And there's my window licker sniffing dust

I'm worried that some of the insanity he hurls is sticking

Week Six

That wonky bastard is at it again

All week he's been climbing the walls

I tell you this guy is crazy as sin

Practicing witchcraft while juggling balls

Week Seven

I've given in and decided to join him

We are going to be crazy together now

It's not as though I'll ever find freedom

Apparently me in public can't be allowed

Week Eight

We got some bad news my cell mate and me

What they said chilled me to the bone

They said that I can never be set free

For this whole time I've been, well, alone. 

Save the Kids

When I was about 21 I moved to Oklahoma for a while shortly after marrying my first wife. Yes, I took her with me. She was pregnant at the time with my first son. Why Oklahoma? Because even their license plates said Oklahoma was "OK". A whole state couldn't lie about that, right?

This was about 22 years ago and "Beavis and Butthead" were quite popular on Mtv. I love Beavis and Butthead and their crude humor. Since it was a more adult show Oklahoma had it so that it only aired after 9:00 pm. I thought that was fair, I was a "soon to be parent" so I was thinking as one at the time. Sometimes anyway. 

I remember one morning seeing on the news that a 3 year old and 6 year old had died in a house fire. They'd been left home alone and arson investigators determined matches had caused the fire. The parents were outraged and filed suit to have Beavis and Butthead removed because their 6 year old had seen Butthead saying "fire fire" and laughing. So clearly that's where the fault was. 

What?! Wait a minute?! Was I really the only person who was more outraged that the 3 year old and 6 year old had been left home unattended for several hours? Yet the parents blamed a television show that aired after 9:00 pm. Amazing. 

Recently I saw a video wherein 2 small children were left home alone while the mother and aunt took someone home. In their absence the house caught fire. The cause hadn't been determined yet at the time of the news release. A reporter asks the aunt of the children if she regretted leaving them home alone. Her response? "No". She was, however, laughing when she said she needed to get inside and make sure her purse was ok because it had her food stamp card in it. Really? That's more important than the lives of children to some people? 

In recent years I've seen more and more often parents blaming video games, music, television, anyone they can for their own failures. More and more often parents are using TV and video games as baby sitters. Or maybe just as a distraction so they don't have to engage in their kids' lives. Who knows the reason. 

A kid gets a gun out of the closet and shoots themselves and the parents blame TV while media blames guns. Really? So your not putting the gun in a gun safe and teaching them firearm safety was "CSI"'s fault? 

How about we start taking responsibility for our own poor choices? Oh, and yes, Oklahoma blacked out Beavis and Butthead for a year. Well, Lawton did at least. 

Recently, in the town I live in, a 3 year old child was killed in a hit and run at midnight. The parents left their kid with a couple they were friends with. Apparently they were busy, they said, when the child wandered out of the house and down the dark 2 lane road at midnight. 

These are our children people. Our children. Pieces of US. Our FUTURE. If they are yours or left in your charge then be the protector they need and deserve. 

We see it on the news every day. Kidnapped children, missing children, abused children. They look to us for guidance and protection. Our society is declining right in front of us while we laugh at it over our morning coffee. Or we whisper about it afraid to speak up because to do so isn't "socially acceptable". Guess what, our society isn't acceptable. Speak up people, let our voices be heard. 

Innocence Lost

Every day innocent kids are exploited and abused. They have their innocence ripped from them by strangers or family members. Children who look to us for guidance and protection. Yet they're killed through the negligence of their caregivers. Or put through so much trauma that they take their own, fragile lives. 

This is for them...

She sleeps fitfully; always the same dreams

Nightmares unfolding in her mind but she welcomes them

Because they aren't as scary as reality it seems

Nothing in her sleep can scare her as much as him

Two years ago it started and she's been scared since

But there's no escape from his drunkenness and lust

He beat her mom for speaking up on one instance

It's hard to believe this was ever a man they could trust

She's only twelve yet afraid of each coming day

Feeling there's only one way to ever escape

Tomorrow she will take a handful of pills and fade away

Into death's slumber and away from the nightly rape

Torches

Psst...hey you. Yeah, you in the corner. You trying to hide from your fears, your pain. You thinking you're the only one that gets caught out in the rain? 

You aren't alone. We all fear. We all have nightmares, inner demons wrestling within our soul. Don't let them make you think they're in control. None of us is getting out of life alive. 

Don't be afraid to reach out, to call for help. It's within our fear that they thrive. Don't be too proud to cry out into the night "is anyone there that can help me?!"

You just may find that someone will answer back. Someone may light a torch for you and help you break free.